Jackets without arms in them. Why this shit trend must die.

The world is abuzz with Fashion Week happening in some of the coolest cities on earth. The lights! The Glamour! The air kisses!

Mostly, I’m left cold with this kind of thing. I have zero time to keep up to date with the hot looks and the not looks. I do the sniff test and claim my daily ensemble from the pile on the floor and hope to god I don’t have to flick off dry boogers from my sleeve on the way in to do the daycare drop off. I’m pushing 40, one step away from Millers and several steps away from the front row of anything.

But here’s a trend that caught my eye. And I can’t support it. It’s the off the shoulder or worn on just one shoulder jacket trend. What the ever living fuck is this?

jacket

I’ve tried to think of a reason why this became a thing in the first place. And the only thing I’ve come up with is the people giving this trend legs need their hands free to perform CPR. Otherwise it simply doesn’t make sense. All those starving modules on the runway could faint at any minute, so perhaps some of these handy fashionistas can step in and save the day? Simply toss the jacket over the fainted module like a matador while you give mouth to mouth and Instagram your heroic behaviour.

If you have no arms at all, I can see this working just fine. But if you’ve bothered to pay cash money for something where at least 25% of the fabric was used for making sleeves, why don’t you put your arms in them?

The only time I’ve seen this look reasonable is when I’ve played that chocolate game at a party as a kid. You know the one, where you roll a six and have to put a bunch of stupid clothes on so you can scoff a block of Cadbury’s until someone else rolls a six. Time is of the essence so you cheat a bit and don’t stick your arms in the holes. This is OK.

Take a look at this guy.

He’s already wearing a jacket and then he’s got another one draped over one shoulder. Because that makes sense. I can just imagine the looks backstage when the guy going after him is hissing “Dude, that’s my fucking jack…..” and Zoolander strides down the runway as if nothing is wrong. I bet his bean sack is getting a good squishing in those leather pants so I’ll back off, for now.

This white on white look is worse than double denim, even though I’m told that’s actually ok these days. No definition between the melted pant look, top and off the shoulder jacket. She’s flying to the pearly gates for a lesson in what-the-fuck.

Victoria’s Secret Wings = Good. This = Bad.

This chick is channeling Batman

ellen-outfit-skater-skirt-lace-top-amberwhitecliffe-pumps-heels-leather-jacket batman-v-superman-batman-doll

If it has sleeves, then it’s not a cape.

Kourtney Kardashian is missing livestock.

Kourt, if you are going to rock the cowgirl thing then you need a cow. Or an Ass.

This module spun it around so you can see the arms just flapping about.

I don’t understand. Please, somebody help me understand.

And then there is this girl who can’t even look us in the eye.

Because sleeves are for arms. There is no discussion. I don’t walk around with one leg in my jeans, because I’d look like a numpty. So how come this is fashion forward or on fleek or whatever the fuck the new word is for this shit.

THE END

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One Comment Add yours

  1. Maybe the models need to keep their hands free for changing tyres, mopping floors, mowing lawns, hanging out the washing or other normal-life duties.
    And you’re right, you cannot have an ass-less cowgirl, any more than you can have a hose-less fireman.

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