Ever since I was a little girl, I have always wanted to know what hot, decaying watermelon and rancid smoked duck breast smelled like after it had been in the car for a couple of days. And now I know.…
Fuck You, Kids In Supermarkets.
Ever since my kids grew out of those little seats at the front of the trolley, I have avoided having them with me in the supermarket unless I have had absolutely no choice.
Why? Because supermarkets are set up to …
Fuck You, The Bachelor.
I was really looking forward to this season’s Bachelor featuring the Honey Badger, Nick Cummins. But so far I’ve been left a bit cold. It’s just not grabbing my attention like the previous seasons have, though there have been a …
Fuck You, Australian Politics. A GIF Odyssey.
This week has been an utter joke for Australian politics and the entire country. Not since the cheezel coloured fuck-knuckle won the US Presidential election has there been a more embarrassing show of inadequacy.
Here’s every question and emotion us …
Fuck You, Plastic Bag Whingers. A GIF Odyssey.
Unless you have been living off the grid with no TV, or underneath a very large rock, you will have been hearing about the single use plastic bag ban and how ordinary Australians have been going batshit crazy about it. …
Fuck You Optus. My 1 Hour Long Fight With Cuntstomer Service.
Today I received my monthly bill for the incredibly crap NBN service from Optus. To my disgust, I found on it a charge for non-direct debit. News to me, I’d never noticed that one before because the cunning bastards just …
Fuck You, School Holidays. Why School Holidays Can Eat A Dick & Die.
Today was the last day of School Holidays for my little Preppie. I’d love to say the last two weeks have been amazing and we are high on life after the extra bonding time, but I’d be lying. A lot.…
Fuck You, People Who Announce They Are Unfollowing My Page.
I got called a horse-faced cunt today. By someone called Jessiika who was unhappy about a post that I didn’t write. I’ve been called many things in my time, but never a horse-faced cunt. It made my day complete.
These …
Fuck You, Mister Maker.
G’day Mister Maker, I have a bone to pick with you. Your hyped up enthusiasm and love for all things crafty has brainwashed my 5-year-old daughter. And I’m pissed.
No longer can I take a shit and throw out the …
Fuck You, Pap Smears.
Ah, the Pap Smear. How I loathe you.
In my advancing years, I have become much more selective about what goes in and around my vagina. Mostly because on the odd occasion I have thrown caution to the wind, I …
What The Far Kew Doing Now? Jen Hawke – The Bachelor Villain.
She’s the “Villain” from Matty J’s season of The Bachelor that had us all chucking things at the TV screen over her bitchy comments and ballsy moves that shook the mansion to its core. None of us knew quite what
Fuck You, Bachelor in Paradise.
This long-awaited reality TV debut has turned into a bit of a snore fest, hasn’t it? I mean, without Keira I would have turned off a couple of weeks ago. After the masterpiece that was Married at First Sight, I …
Fuck You, Public Toilets.
Nobody likes going to a public toilet, least of all me. Though I did have a boyfriend once that insisted he poo at work so he “got paid for it”. He was quite a tight arse, but I saw his …
What The Far Kew Doing Now? Andy Ankers – Married At First Sight Season 3.
Married at First Sight has smashed ratings and created a whole new legion of Reality TV addicts with its latest season. With jaw-dropping moments coming thick and fast, absolutely everybody was talking about it week after week.
In Season 3, …
Married At First Sight. Why This Show Is Australia’s Biggest Disappointment Since Barnaby Joyce.
I’m taking a few nights off. I need a break. Why? Well after some pretty epic build up, I feel like the show is just ripping off the band-aid slowly and crushing everything we thought we knew about the series. …
Married at First Sight Episode 18 Pic Recap
Tracey takes the Deano home to meet her friends and they instantly take out their autograph books to get him to sign it for future Visionz eBay glory. They also look stoked to be around him.
…
Married At First Sight Ep 17 GIF Recap
The show opens with all of the couples bitching that the last dinner party was the Tracey & Dean show. Clearly unhappy with their number 2 status, the emotions were ugly.
Nasser stopped his act of being everyone but Deans
…Fuck You, Married at First Sight.
This show is ruining my life!!! Not since the ALDI special buys have I become so addicted to something so bad for me.
This is the first season I have ever watched, and BOY has it delivered the goods. So …
Fuck You, Nits.
Well, haven’t we been given the best school introduction ever? Starting with last weeks broken arm (fuck you monkey bars) and ending with NITS. That’s right, we have fucking head lice.
The first clue came on Sunday night when my …
Fuck You, Starting School.
I’m now the mother of a school kid, I cannot bloody believe it!
I’m amazed for a number of reasons. The fact that my daughter is now 5 and in a school, and the fact that I managed to prepare …
Fuck You, L.O.L. Surprise! Dolls. 5 Reasons Why You Need To Boycott These Little Bastard Balls.
Not since I caved and bought Poopin’ Pup and a 5 pack of Hatchimals have I felt this much of a failure as a parent. Let me explain.
My 5-year-old daughter is obsessed with “unboxing” videos on YouTube. She told …
Why I Can’t Seem to Relax. Even With a Frangipani Up My Arse.
I’m not very good at relaxing, it’s never been one of my strengths. I am however very good at operating on high speed for extended periods of time. In fact, I believe I thrive on chaos. But everyone needs to …
Fuck You, Blogging.
I read a post by DaDMuM yesterday. He went on a bit of a rant about how unglamorous blogging can be and all the associated shit that comes along with it. He NAILED it. It was like he was inside …
Fuck You, Miserable Bitch at the Post Office.
I’ve got my rage on my friends. Old school style! It seems to have simmered down in recent months with a thing call happiness. But IT IS BACK BITCHES.
Recently I’ve been posting cocks in the mail. It’s not something …
Fuck You, iPhone X.
I’ve been hanging on by a thread for a new phone since mine took a dive in the pool in Fiji a year ago. Since then it has worked, but badly, and the reverse camera doesn’t work at all. Meaning …
Fuck You, Fighting Kids.
My god. I have entered some entirely new dimension now my kids are a bit older.
No longer do I have to stop the bigger one from throwing baked bean cans at the baby. I don’t have to keep an …
Fuck You, Aldi Speed Checkouts.
You all know I love Aldi. In fact, if I had to name my favourite store, it would probably win. It has everything you need and everything you didn’t even think you needed. Where else on earth can you buy …
5 Ways to Survive Gastro Without a Single Skid Mark.
I just had gastro, in case you hadn’t heard. Who am I kidding, of course you heard! As soon as I was able to breathe without throwing up, I told the entire planet and begged for sympathy.
Gastro is THE …
Fuck You, Sydney Traffic. 10 things that are quicker than driving.
I was up in my old hood last week, sweet old Sydney Town. And while I had fun catching up with friends, clients and family, one thing gave me the massive angry shits. The fucked up traffic!
Don’t get me …
It’s all in the edit. Why fear mongering, fake news and freedom of speech are not the same.
This is why I don’t do politics or define myself as an activist. It’s precisely why I stick to educating the wider public about the dangers of kale, the very real possibility of addiction to ALDI special buys and the …
Fuck You, Hormonal Binge Eating.
I would like to say a giant FUCK YOU to the 4 pack of Nanna’s apple pies I have crammed down my trap with ice cream over the past few days. Also deserving of a pointy middle finger is the …
Steam Your Snatch. Balinese Style.
I can never predict what is going to part the waters here at Fuck You Friday. Just when I think we are all one big happy family, I break out something that pisses some people who I have never heard …
The exploding glitter queef. How to keep a straight face with this bizarre new vaginal suppository.
Just when I think I have seen and heard it all, another trend comes along to blow all other stupid trends out of the water. And it involves our vaginas. Again.
This time it’s called Passion Dust and is a tiny suppository …
It’s not for me.
I have a funky foot issue. An issue with my foot tissue. Tinea. And it’s fucking gross.
Despite wearing thongs at the pool and drying in between my toes after a shower, I have this reoccurring fungus between my two …
Fuck You, Pauline Hanson.
I’ve wanted to say this for an awfully long time. Fuck you, Pauline Hanson.
Over the last 20 years, I’ve watched you pick on Asians, Muslims, the LGBTQI community and other women, and I’ve silently fumed. Rolled my eyes, gone …
F*ck You, Random Things You (Shouldn’t) Put In Your Fanny.
Fanny, Gash, Muff, Beaver, Bat Cave, Vajayjay, Beef Curtains, Badly Packed Kebab, Pussy, Snatch, Foo Foo, Front Bottom, Bearded Oyster. There are dozens of creative names for the humble vagina, which is enjoying an alarming resurgence in popularity as a …
Fuck You, Amazing Crystal Garden.
I got this thing the other day that I thought my kids would LOVE. It is called “The Amazing Crystal Garden”. And it is anything but amazing.
I’m always suspicious of things that claim to be amazing, as they are …
Fuck You (again), Mother’s Day.
Oh god. It’s been a year since I exposed the shithouse presents available for Mums around the world and plunged the sales of Peruvian Potato Farming fashion into the ground.
Am I sorry? Fuck no. I consider this a community …
A letter from Far Kew to you.
Ever since I started this blog I have been asked if I consider myself a writer, and the answer is always no. I don’t get paid for it, I never did any training for it and I didn’t set out …
Fuck You, Toilet Training.
I have been a mother for 1682 days. I have changed countless nappies, fully toilet trained one kid and am just about done with the other one. The end is in sight! But I’ve still got a way to go. …