This week something amazing happened. Something that breathed life back into this sour old cow. Because for every minute I spend on the internet, a little piece of me dies. Until yesterday. When we were gifted a proper scrag fight on the streets of the Northern Beaches.
The disagreement between two women began on a Facebook mothers group (har fucking har) about…..wait for it…….the CORONAVIRUS.
I CAN’T EVEN!
During the past 8 or so years that I have been breeding, I have seen it all. I’ve seen online fights about anti-vaxxers, circumcision, lunch box treats, cake brags and sleep training. Oh, let’s not forget parents with prams fights, those ones are the fucking BEST.
What usually happens is someone with no idea posts a seemingly innocuous post in the group, then the uptight keyboard warriors chuck their pearls on and go nuts. It’s a pretty wild time, and especially entertaining if all the admins are busy and let them cut loose for a good 20-30 minutes before nuking it completely. In the old days before Mamamia and the Daily Mail, the posts went next level. But now, everyone has their hands in each other’s pockets so it can’t be allowed to get too out of control. Sigh.
It’s a pity that women who have kids can’t be like young children. You know, where you’ve got a bunch of 5-year-olds and you command them to be friends and play. They usually do. But you can’t take mid-thirties Kiy-Leigh, Chondelle-Nevaeh and Kallissa-Lee-Leigh from Brookvale and say “Go play”.
Because they inevitably get a bit smashy fisty. Shame.
This fight was different. This was the fight we all needed. No longer were the keyboard warriors hiding behind their empty words and petulant insults, they took it to the motherfucking streets. Old school style.
The details are still sketchy, but here’s what went down.
Bitch 1 and Bitch 2 had an online scuffle about the Coronavirus and its effects.
Bitch 1 and Bitch 2 got a bit fucking fanatical and then challenged each other to a duel.
One of the Bitches brought a mate. Presumably to film the fisticuffs and upload it to Snapchat.
Then they slapped and punched the crap out of each other until they both fell briefly unconscious and were taken to hospital. I cannot make this shit up!
I am not promoting violence. I am simply saying that after so much doom and gloom with the fires and the impending death from Coronavirus, we needed something to lighten the fucking mood. And if it had to be from some Northern Beaches bogans, well, it just had to be!
People have forgotten that before Jennifer Hawkins moved in, some parts of the Northern Beaches were extremely sketchy. It was basically Blacktown by the sea, and you took a leap of faith every time you left the house.
It’s hard to believe that this actually happened. But it has been in the Daily Mail, so it must be true. Could this just be a natural attempt to thin the herd? Traffic is getting terrible down that way, so, y’know……
Cheers to the scrag fight we all knew we needed. Because tomorrow you know the end of the word is coming and we can’t do a damn thing about it.
So switch the news off, pour yourself a frosty Corona and accept the inevitable.
Were you in Brookvale for the fight of the Century? Please share your stories by emailing firstname.lastname@example.org