Suck an actual bag of Dicks?

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The other day I had a fantastic lady from the USA who will remain nameless send me a PM that stopped me breathing for a second. I felt this instant connection with her that I’ve never felt before. It was raw. Rugged. Real.

The message read….

“Hey, what if I told you I had an actual bag of actual dicks? Seriously. I have a bag of legally procured non-endangered cruelty-free baculum, aka the dick bone.”

I was speechless. An actual bag of dicks. 

Louis C.K. is one of the funniest guys alive. He did some stand up that I’ve probably watched on YouTube 8 million times and I never get sick of it. It’s got something do do with getting told to suck a bag of dicks and I’ll post it at the end, but for now….back to the message.

I ask her how much I would need to pay for this special bag of dicks because I sure have one or two people that I would like to invite for a sucking.

Then she sends me a photo of her wearing dick bone earrings with this explanation.

 
“I made some earrings from some because nothing says Friday like a couple of dicks swinging from your ears. They are from raccoons so they were about $1 each. Assorted bag of dicks. I would totally send you some if it wasn’t illegal to mail bones to Australia”
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This is my kind of woman. She’s got some balls wearing raccoon dick bone earrings.
 
This is what inspired WTF Wednesday which is coming up next. Because it truly is a WHAT THE FUCK kind of moment and deserved a post all of it’s own.
 
Keep it coming people. You’ve got big shoes to fill now!
 
And if you have never seen this it is well worth the watch. Here is Louis C.K. in action.
PS: Louis. If this somehow finds you via the wild world of web, let’s have a beer. 

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5 Comments Add yours

  1. eponetara says:

    Fucking hilarious!

  2. paulhassing says:

    Dear Madam, I say this with great affection and a fervent desire to help optimise your prosperity. I also have two Jack Russell Terriers, so you know I’m not a bad person. I merely wish to report the errant possessive apostrophe in the phrase “all of it’s own”. I have a concise (and, by several reports, amusing) PDF remedy I can send you for free. With kind regards and deep apologies for any offence I may have caused, P.

    1. melwillz says:

      Dude. I am not fucking Shakespeare. I’m not even a writer, merely a ranter. You’ll have to just wait while I get better.

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