Bruce Remmer gave up a high paid job in the corporate world to start a new career as a professional waxer. His business Menzone in Sydney offers male waxing and he can hardly keep up with demand. He spends all day looking at the assholes and ball sacks of blokes from Sydney.
And he says he loves it.
Bruce sat down for an intimate chat with me and I asked him EVERYTHING I ever wanted to know about the back, sack and crack wax. Prepare to be amazed.
Do guys ever get a boner when you wax them?
Yes of course. I wouldn’t say it’s normal but it does happen. Warm wax on your balls feels pretty good. Wax off not so nice. Erections are an automatic response and it actually makes the job easier for me and less painful for the client because the skin on the shaft and around the base of the penis is more taut. I certainly don’t encourage it or even suggest it. That would be weird. But if it happens I don’t give a shit.
Shrinkage is the far more common reaction. Which is never good for a guy’s ego! Some even try and give it a fluff up while they think I’m not looking which I find pretty funny. Like I care how big their their dick is.
Naturally a lot of guys feel a bit awkward and embarrassed the first few times. Getting the hair ripped from your ball sack is a terrifying prospect. So usually they’re more scared than aroused. There’s nothing sexual or sensual about being waxed.
What sort of bits do you see? Have you really seen it all?
Yes. Everything! And then some. Bodies of all shapes and sizes. Dicks as small as a 1cm long right up to one nearly as long and thick as my forearm. I’ve seen the good the bad and the ugly. I’ve seen tattooed penises and scrotums, all manner and sizes of piercings as well as many other body modifications. I’ve even waxed a female to male transgender. To be honest, very little surprises or shocks me anyway. Even less after doing this for 12 years. The exception was a penis that had been surgically cut through the middle half way down the shaft so that it splayed out like a tree branch. Apparently it’s a thing. Genital bisection it’s called. Who would have thought?
Of course I never react or say anything. I have to be totally professional, and create a comfortable, safe and non-judgemental environment otherwise guys wouldn’t come back. I’m very matter-of-fact about it all which most guys appreciate. I’m always saying, “This is my job. I do it all day long 5 days a week. If you’re an accountant you look at spreadsheets. I look at ball sacks and bum holes. I know this may be awkward for you, but it’s just another day in the office for me.”
How do you part the cheeks for the back sack and crack? Do they have to do it doggy style?
You have got to be able to get in there and see what you’re doing, so yes. Doggy style is the easiest position to wax the butt crack. It’s totally non-dignified, but if you want your asshole waxed, you’ve already kissed your dignity goodbye right there.
Some salons leave you lying flat on your belly, some lying on your side and get you to hold one cheek up. I think they do it because it’s less confronting for the client.
But I figure if you want your bits waxed, you have to leave your modesty and dignity at the door! I’ve seen so many hairy ass cracks and balls and dicks it honestly doesn’t even register. All I’m focusing on is getting the hair off in the most efficient and least painful way possible. So I get them up on their all fours unless they have hip or knee problems.
I know it can be quite confronting for some guys, so I usually crack a joke or two (pun intended). As they are getting into position, sometimes I’ll say “And I didn’t even have to buy you a drink.” Or, “Don’t worry, I’d much prefer to deal with these assholes than the ones in the corporate world.” You have to laugh. It’s quite a surreal position to be in for both of us.
Do you also do anal bleaching?
No, it’s not like teeth whitening. I don’t think it’s a one off salon procedure. I think it’s a topical cream that needs to be applied daily for months to get a result. So I kind of don’t see the point in charging a hundred bucks to rub some cream up your bum hole and then send you home with a tube to do it yourself. I have heard there’s a “House of Anal Bleaching” salon in LA that opens 24 hours. Maybe I should look into it.
What do you chat about for small talk?
You’d be surprised the conversations I’ve had while looking up a guy’s butt. Sometimes it’s benign small talk about the weather and current affairs. Sometimes it’s intense philosophical discussion on topics as diverse as quantum physics, spirituality and even what constitutes good art. Some clients open up tell me very personal details about their lives. I let them direct the conversation unless they’re very nervous in which case I talk all sorts of rubbish to distract them. The diversity of people and discussions is what I love most. It’s never a dull day.
I’m also quite direct and call things how I see them. There’s a tendency in this industry to skirt around the topic of exactly what service you’re providing. A “bikini wax”. What the hell is that? I call it a crack and sack, because that’s what it fucking is! Women call it a bikini wax which I guess is more palatable. But if a guy asks for a bikini wax, I’ll ask “Do you wear a bikini and why is it hairy?” It always breaks the ice, and most guys appreciate my no fuss approach.
Does anyone ask to look at how much hair you wax off their butt hole?
God no! They never want to look. But I do like showing people what comes out of their nostrils because you’d be amazed. It really doesn’t feel like you just pulled out that much hair. So I like them to see they are getting value for money! As a joke I’ll often say “That’s a keeper!” and ask if they want to take the sticks home (the paddle pop stick with wax and nose hair) . One guy actually did once. He was an artist and put them in a painting.
The spoils of my trade are messy and somewhat gross. I’ll often have a laugh to myself when I take out the garbage. If anyone went through it for identity theft, they’d get a sticky hairy surprise.
How do you stretch the sack?
All skin needs to be taut when you wax it otherwise you run the risk of bruising or tearing. Scrotums are soft and saggy and the skin is more delicate than other areas. So it’s essential to stretch it and the most challenging body part to wax. Many female waxing technicians will get you to hold your block and tackle yourself so they don’t have to touch it. But I don’t care. I’d rather do the holding and stretching myself so I know it’s exactly where it needs to be in order to minimise pain and any chance of injury. Most clients prefer not to have to participate and even say “I figured a guy would be better because they are more familiar with the bits.” To a lot of people’s surprise, the balls definitely aren’t the most painful body part to wax. But done badly it can be excruciating! I’ve had someone tear skin off my ball sack once. Trust me you don’t want it to happen. Ever!
How long before regrowth gets painful?
The regrowth isn’t painful. Most guys get about 2 weeks hair free and can expect to have about 3 to 5mm of regrowth after 4 weeks. This is minimum length needed before waxing again. With shaving and clipping the regrowth can get very prickly and itchy. For both you and your partner. This is because the hair is cut at the thickest part an now has sharp edges. With waxing you pull the hair out at the root, so a new hair regrows and it’s much finer, softer and has a blunt end. Slower and softer regrowth is one of the biggest advantages of waxing. Regular waxing will also thin and sometimes kill the hair off permanently. Unlike shaving which seems to coarsen it.
Do the curtains usually match the rug with guys as well?
Hahaha. Yes and no. Often but not always. Many older men remove all their pubic hair when it starts to go grey. Body hair is a funny thing. Red and blond body hair are usually the coarsest and therefore more difficult to remove. Sometimes the most unsightly long dark hairs are the easiest and least painful because it’s finer. It can be deceiving. And yeah, if it goes grey why not just get rid of it. Grey pubes – ewww.
Have you ever waxed an MP?
YES! I can’t say who though. The diversity of people who come to me is incredible. One minute it’s a labourer off a building site and the next it’s a High Court Judge. Strangely the one occupation that weirded me out a little was a High School Principal. Only because I couldn’t imagine any of my teachers waxing, let alone the principal. The most unusual occupation I’ve had was a Magician. Afterwards he even did a trick for me.
Was it juggling his balls?
NO! I juggled his.
Who would you love to wax? Do you think John Howard’s balls are as bad as his eyebrows?
Ha! John Howard didn’t even give his brows a little trim, so I doubt he’d ever get his balls done. I’d love to wax Prince Harry!!! He’d be up for it too I reckon. AND I have heard he’s HUGE.
Have you ever waxed a celeb?
Most definitely! Quite a few. Some ARIA award winners, TV stars, footy players, public personalities.
But I’m totally oblivious to celebrity and really not that interested. So I think they find it refreshing when I either don’t know who they are or genuinely don’t care. It doesn’t matter how much money you earn, where you live, or what car you drive… when you’re naked with your ass in the air, everyone is exactly the same. It’s a real leveller.
A couple of years ago I had an guy come who said he’d referred by a client of mine who’s Aussie film director working in Hollywood. So I asked if he worked in Hollywood as well. He laughed and said, “Yeah, I’ve made a few movies.” Halfway through the appointment the penny dropped. He is a major A-list actor. Super famous. Won an Oscar. I was so embarrassed but he seemed to find it amusing.
Does it really make it look bigger?
YES. 100%. Why do you think porn stars do it? One inch of hair removed is an extra inch of cock you are going to see. Simple.
Is manscaping for the everyday Aussie bloke?
Absolutely. Most of my clients are everyday regular Joes. From 18 to 85 and from all walks of life. There’s definitely not a ‘type’ of man who waxes. I reckon I’ve got as many clients over 60 as under 30. Some do it for aesthetics, some for sport, some to enhance their sex life, some for comfort and hygiene. And to most people’s surprise the majority of my client’s are straight. I’d guess (because I never ask) around 80%. It’s definitely not a gay thing any more and way more common that you’d think. But guys don’t generally talk about it, so you’d never know. I find the regular blokes more of a spin out than the celebrities because I think to myself “if only your mates, or even worse, your kids knew you did this”. I’d die a thousand deaths if I ever found out my dad waxed his balls!
A friend said waxed balls felt AMAZING in the mouth. Do you get feedback from your clients on reactions?
Hell yes! Why do you think we do it? As a client once said to me, “If you make it look more inviting, you’ll get more invites!” Let’s face it, hairy balls are gross. And sometimes smelly! If you want more oral, including your balls liked and sucked, then clean them up. It’s common courtesy. Not only is it more enjoyable for their partner, it greatly increases the sensitivity and pleasure for the guy. A man hasn’t really lived until he’s had his balls waxed. And then licked! Even just to touch them, smooth balls feel amazing!
I always tell my first timers that they won’t be able to keep their hands out of their pants for the next two weeks. They laugh, but I’m not joking. The feedback is overwhelmingly positive. My clients and their partners genuinely appreciate what I do for them. I reckon it’s a community service. I’m surprised no-one’s nominated for an Order of Australia medal yet. Hahaha. Once a guy send me a follow up sms saying “Thank you for turning my sow’s ear into a silk purse.” Very funny!
What about hygiene? Do you ever have to hand someone a wet wipe and give themselves a little clean before commencing?
OMG yes and its fucking disgusting. Fucking wash with soap and water before you go for a wax you filthy bastards. For fucks sake!
A couple of times I could smell their dirty ass before I got them on their all fours. Once the wax strip literally pulled a poo pebble right out of a guy’s asshole.
I don’t and won’t tolerate lack of hygiene and will call a client on it without hesitation. I’m happy to wax it, but I’m not going to clean it for them. I’ve even told some guys not to come back or just not taken their booking again because their hygiene wasn’t up to scratch.
I’m not going to to deal with anyone’s shit. Literally or metaphorically.
Do you wax your own balls?
Since I was 18. I have gone to other waxers but I prefer to do it myself. I know what I am doing and I’ve been doing it so long I can practically do it in my sleep. A good waxer makes it look so fast and easy. But there’s a real skill to it. I learnt how to wax on my own balls. And you don’t get any better training than that. It’s a massive leap of faith and trust getting your balls waxed the first time. So I totally understand it from the client’s perspective as well.
Wow. What an eye opener this has been! If your man has a mowhawk coming out of his arse crack or you can’t find his balls through all the hair, send him to Bruce. www.menzone.com.au
And for the first 5 readers to comment with #fuckyouhairyballs Bruce is offering a full back sack and crack wax worth $130 for just $50. Get on it!