Fuck You Two Minute Noodles


I grew up in the 70’s when Suimin instant noodles in those styrofoam cups were considered pretty exotic. Fluorescent pink sweet and sour pork from a Chinese restaurant was world class cuisine and if you had tried Japanese food people …

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12 Comments Add yours

  1. George Kalis says:

    Pure gold yet again. Always makes me laugh out loud to the embarrassment of my wife

  2. Karyn Miller says:

    I feel more connected to humanity knowing that someone else out there drinks too much wine, has a bitching hour and kids that sometimes behave like arse bandits and is willing to put pretty much anything in their mouth…i usually go for jelly snakes and chips. Thanks for keeping it real..

  3. tltali says:

    Hehe the peanut butter noodles is actually my son’s favourite. I found it (sans the 2 minutes noodles ) in one of Nigella’s books. I make it with ready to use Hokkien noodles to show some effort and he’ll gobble up the entire bowl… of course you can kale cos everything tastes better with kale 😉

  4. Hahaha I’ve resorted to them on occasion. I love the smell of someone cooking them, but far out – I end up feeling under nourished and dehydrated every time! I don’t know how I survived my childhood!!
    As for the ‘enhanced’ 2 minute noodles – if you’re going to take that much effort to make them better, you probably could have made something more ‘real’ and ‘fancy’ from scratch in that time!

  5. I have never been allowed to add the vegetables to two minute noodles for my kids. They have also been known to eat them raw. (Just the noodles). No nutrition at all, but I guess they are crunchy. We do sometimes buy fancy arse but cheap ones from the Asian shops which are fabulous (especially if you add an egg and some greens – real ones), but you have to know the right ones to buy. Because some contain weird ingredients which does stuff to your stomach that can kill you. (My teen wants to be a medical examiner and studies this stuff and spoils many meals by telling us what is going to make us sick. Having said that we rarely get food poisoning…) Did you know that many burns are also caused by two minute noodles? I shit you not. They are evil. EVIL.

  6. Binkz says:

    I personally like how ‘penut’ boy was worried about the salt content more than how incredibly nutrient deficient and cancer causing the noodles are!. Another question that springs to mind in regards to turning 2 min noodles into spaghetti is ….. Why not just buy a tin of spaghetti. All jokes aside, thank you to these wonderful humans for posting their recipes. It’s been the best 10 minutes of my week.

  7. Brooke says:

    You have managed to save me from having a totally fucked day after the dimwit builders at work didn’t waterproof the half of building they chopped off to add the extension and the server room flooded, knocking out all IT. I feel like I have been at work for 3 days straight, but I have a new found admiration for the wonders of a functioning technical world. How good it is to type this instead of hand writing and filing to scan into the computer later….
    Thanks for venting and, in turn, releasing my tensions. The aged spiced rum has somewhat helped too 🙂

  8. eponetara says:

    OMG….have been going through the same nostalgic process. Yes, the Fantastic noodles do not live up to their name. Fucking crap. I have found some Suimin ones around. Not like they were in gbeir heyday but still more edible than the Craptastic. Also, I did that satay 2 minute noodle thing when I was drug fucked and broke at uni. It was delish then. Might give it a whirl! Or not. Hilarious as always!

  9. Eh. I know this isn’t the point of your post but as you posted about aldi I think before..
    My son likes only the ALDI 2 min noodles and hell, Ja! I like them too

    1. Far Kew says:

      I’ve never tried them and probably never will! I did go nuts in the centre aisle yesterday with the cozy sleepwear.

  10. Oh OK oops I meant to add they actually work with just water boiled up in a kettle. Just pour and TWO MINUTES later they are actually done. None of this actual pot cookibg shit. Basically like making a tea bag tea. I feel ALDI deserves some credit here. But then I am always pushing ALDI, it’s in my blood I guess.

    1. Far Kew says:

      Dude. I fricking love Aldi. I just don’t love that they send me broke with the centre aisle deals.

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