I don’t need a fucking turd surprise jumping out at me when I lift the lid! I have to surf my way through the cubicles to find a “safe” one. Here’s a tip. If you’ve done a massive shit and it’s so huge it won’t go down, fucking WAIT and do a double, triple or quadruple flush. Call the cleaner. Do fucking anything else than leave that shit there for me to find. I’ve got two kids and two dogs, I deal with enough shit as it is.
Fuck You Cotton on Kids for your stupid tags.
Yeah I’m talking about the shop-a-docket sized warning labels sewn inside all the kids stuff. It’s about one metre long and is written in about 16 different languages. How many stupid parents have set their kids on fire or had them hang themselves on the hanger loops prompting this rediculous and annoying waste of fabric? 1? 2? Any??
One small one saying “Stupid People Beware of being Stupid” should be enough to cover your legal bases right?? FFS
Fuck You Darth Vader.
I got some cute camping chairs for our upcoming campervan adventure for the kids. Frozen for Savvy and Star Wars for Harley. Harley is fucking PETRIFIED of the Star Wars one and won’t sit in it. He didn’t even laugh when I put on my Darth Vader voice and breathed “Harley…..I am your mother….”.
No. He’s fucking traumatised.
So now I have to haul arse back to KMart and get another Frozen one. I should “Let it Go” right?? Fuck You anyway.
Fuck You hot European Deep Sea Mineral guys.
I have to pretend to make a phone call when you launch your tanned hotness towards me and we both know it’s fake. That look you threw me might have worked in Mykonos, but it’s not going to work on me, OK? Quite frankly I am scared of what might happen if I stop for your free hand job. Will I need to take a shower? Or bathe in some deep sea minerals? MARRIED. Geddit?
Fuck You wannabe race car driving bogans on the freeway trying to kill me in the rain.
Picture the scene. A slippery four lane freeway and not much visibility. A holden ute with the windows up being driven by some 20 year old wearing high vis smoking with one hand and driving with the other. YOU ARE NOT AN F1 RACE DRIVER. And even if you were, everyone else on the road is not. Peace the fuck out and save your showmanship for the slab you crack open with your other bogan mates tonight. Arsehole.