FUCK YOU to the Asian pedicure place.

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Fuck you for leaving me sitting there with my feet marinating in lukewarm water while you went and ate your lunch.
You electrocuted my asshole! And not in a good way!
It’s bad enough that I risk infection by getting the cheap ass pedicure from your dodgy establishment that is probably hiding a drug operation out the back.
But to sit me in some crappy old massage chair that was probably the first prototype for the Aussie Asian pedicure joints is just asking for a fucking lawsuit. I’m still puckering up out of fear.
Sincerely, my electrocuted asshole.

FUCK YOU you to Cruisin Motorhomes.

You charge an absolute fortune to rent out your shitty RV’s and then have the cheek to charge us an extra $35 for some piece-of-crap table and chairs that were falling apart for the week. And $35 for the gas bottle. And a $100 credit card fee for the $5000 deposit that you kept for 10 days and earned interest on. FUCK YOU!
I cut my head open on one of the doors, the fly screens didn’t work and the front seat smelled like someones BO. And you gave us two toilet chemical sachets for ten days. We should have left a giant steaming turd inside the toilet for you to find but you would have charged me for that too.
Please use the extra money you fleeced from us to buy a fucking bottle of Febreze and spray the front seats of your “Delux” motorhome. Deluxe my arse.
Super Fuck You.

FUCK YOU to the super slow magnetic travelators.

I’ve managed to run the gauntlet of Coles and grab the weeks essentials. I want to get the fuck out of there pronto.
But the only parking is right down the bottom underground and I have to go down two of these super long travelators with my magnetic trolley gluing me to the spot. What is actually a couple of minutes feels like fucking hours because I do not like standing there whistling to pass the time and having old people start piling up behind me. Let me go! Un-magnetise me god damn it!
I won’t let go of the trolley!!! Promise….

FUCK YOU to the guy in Liquorland with no sense of humour.

You are meant to know-your-shit. OK?? Sorry if you don’t drink beer (WTAF who the fuck doesn’t drink beer??) but you should at least try and make an effort. And laugh at my jokes.
By the looks of you perhaps you hand craft your own alcohol out of recycled/reclaimed/repurposed bits of whatever, but you are working in FUCKING LIQUORLAND. Make it up if you have to. Tosser.
And don’t forget to laugh at my jokes.

THE END

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One Comment Add yours

  1. I also say Fuck You! to the pedicure place since the time I soaked my feet in the bath of foot rot death and the Manicurist (I use the term loosely as I suspect she was a beauty school drop out) munched on an apple in one hand with my foot in the other. These days I wear my dinosaur feet with pride.

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