Fuck You, School Holidays.

Yesterday I was cursing the school holidays as I spent hours stuck in traffic which eventually forced me to stop for a snack in one of the richest suburbs of Melbourne. 2 coffees, a quiche and half a baguette cost $30 and we never reached our destination. The day was a failure on all counts.

When I was a kid I lived for the school holidays. All kids do. Because school is just an interruption to fun, right? School holidays for me meant I got McDonalds, sleepovers and a whole lot of time to do whatever took my childhood fancy. Now, school holidays are a hell I would rather live without. And I don’t even have school aged kids which is what I think makes it all the more fucking irritating.

School Holidays have only one bonus. Less peak hour traffic. Meaning 95 year old Ethel driving at 12 km/h at 8.30am is made slightly more bearable. I don’t give her the finger as often as I usually would, and I lay off running into her heels with my trolley at the supermarket after the daycare run just to give her wounds time to close over a bit. I might even help her reach the tissue boxes for her parcel tray when she’s stocking up on the specials. Sometimes I smile. Sometimes I don’t.

Yeah school holidays fucking suck because you can’t book a getaway for less than 3 times the normal price, that is if you can get anything at all. I want the budget of a swanky island resort with babysitting, but I have the budget of the caravan park with the bogan spawn pissing in the pool and the nasty film of boogers and sunscreen on top of the water.

Even if I did book a holiday, the traffic leading anywhere decent and back is shocking and the swarms of little hyperactive arse bandit kids make you want to stick pins in your eyes. Other peoples kids are just annoying and loud. Me no likey. Mine are barely tolerable at times, but they came from my crotch and I’m supposed to look after them until they come of age. In school holidays the shops are packed, the movies are packed, the roads are packed, the attractions are packed and I just want to run and hide.

So imagine my horror when I accidentally found myself in a very tragic, run down wildlife park with my two kids on Easter Monday. It was meant to be a bit of a leisurely drive just to get out of the house and away from the Easter egg pile. The Husband and I hurriedly packed the kids into the car around nap time and hit the freeway. They were meant to sleep on the way but didn’t, meaning we got to this wildlife park right on lunchtime with a couple of stale vegemite and cheese sandwiches and some overripe bananas in a plastic shopping bag. The Husband had pointed this park out and said we must stop as he had heard it was pretty amazing.

Well if whoever the fuck told him about this place thinks bogan families sizzling $2.99 a kilo sausages from Franklins that smell like a corpse on some coin BBQ’s with Kirks soft drinks and VB stubbies overflowing from the styrofoam Eski is a good time, they are sorely fucking mistaken. The crowds doing this were barely distinguishable from one another as their tattoos all looked the same and they were all wearing the same fucking Kmart uniform. You could interchange the kids too. After all, they are probably from the same lineage of bogan so who the fuck cares hey? Just do a quick head count and make sure you drive home with the same number of kids you drove in with. Kayden, Jaydon, Baydin, Kailee-Jayde. “Present”! Homeward fucking bound.

I must sound like a snobby bitch. Maybe I am. But I am not claiming to be a better class citizen, I just know what I like and what I don’t like.

What I don’t like is paying $24 per person to drive into a dusty bogan-filled hole where my kids preferred the fenced in kiddy play area which can be found in any Bunnings or McDonalds for free over the “attractions”. And where I had to buy kangaroo food from a shitty cafe in which nothing was edible and made me smell like an old dim sim. The stale vegemite and cheese sandwiches and overripe bananas we brought with us looked pretty fucking gourmet.

These sorts of places always have horrific public facilities with one ply toilet paper. One ply toilet paper is only useful in jail for writing ones memoir, as it’s so fucking stiff and dry that you’ll cut your bum open if you try and wipe with it. It isn’t at all absorbent and if you are unfortunate enough to find yourself having to wipe a number two with it, you’ll rather use your sock than risk severing an arse artery on this cheap shit. Since I was in the bush I should have taken a bit of paperbark with me instead, it might have taken away from the stunning skid mark design marking the porcelain made by the dam water used in the dunnies. While you know it’s semi clean, you still feel a little uneasy going in a toilet that looks like it hasn’t been cleaned in centuries.

Then there was this sign outside the facilities that had me baffled.

IMG_0071.jpg

I couldn’t figure out why anyone would want to have a function in a room with no doorknob in the saddest place on earth. Do they mean bodily functions? Or do they have fucking weddings and engagement parties in there?

I tried to stay positive throughout this ordeal and let the kids have their fun. We ate the stale sandwiches and patted the ponies. Then took the obligatory photo where you stick your head through a hole on a painted mural.

Savvy Wildlife

Leaving was such sweet sorrow (actually I was fucking ecstatic and flattened the pedal on the way out) and we vowed to come again soon (vowed to shit on it on Trip Advisor). The traffic was absolute shite going home and the kids still didn’t sleep as they were jacked up with excitement after feeding kangaroos and getting pecked at by some rabid Emus.

I guess it wasn’t all bad. We were at one with nature I suppose. But I’ll tell you this, I will happily pay triple the rack rate to be anywhere else than this crap hole next Easter Monday.

Fuck You shitty expensive attractions that suck. Fuck your gross stained toilets and one ply toilet paper. Fuck your stinky dirty kitchen oil that permeates my clothing and fuck your inedible dim sims and nuggets.

The End.

550 comments

  1. severed arse artery…… the best. But the proximity of the facilities to the function room is a huge selling point!

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  4. Got a new job or your current employer is asking you to take the “regular” drug test? Ah well, we have all been there. Drug tests are common in many countries, especially in the United States. The employer wants the workplace to be drug-free and the employees in the right state of mind to perform their tasks.
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    Detox Drinks – Best THC Detox Method
    Detox Pills – Dazzling Pills For THC Detox
    Detox Shampoo – Reliable THC Detox Kit
    Now that you have an overview of what we have in store for you, let’s talk about these best THC Detox products in detail:
    #1. Detox Drinks: Best THC Detox Method
    If you don’t have time for a five or a 10-day cleanse, you can use a detox drink to rid your body of all the drug residues. It is a fast-acting treatment that can be done on the same day as your test. THC detox drinks are effective and efficient.
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    Shake well and consume the entire bottle. Do it at your own pace, not all at once.
    Wait for 60 minutes for the detox to take effect.
    Urinate frequently during this time to eliminate THC toxins.
    After this one hour, you will be in the clear zone for the next five hours to take the test.
    Continue avoiding food and beverages except for water.
    Pros
    Contains natural and safe ingredients
    Tastes good
    Reliable and effective
    Comes with instructions
    Good customer service
    Cons
    The effect wears out after 5 hours
    Click here to visit the official website of Rescue Cleanse
    #2. Detox Pills: Dazzling Pills For THC Detox
    Unless there has been a recent incident, your employer will give you advance notice before scheduling a drug test. THC Detox pills should be effective if you have 5-15 days before the test. They boost your body’s metabolism, allowing it to eliminate toxins more quickly and effectively. Needless to say, you have to strictly stay off all toxins or drugs during this time period.
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    As mentioned above, one of the most popular THC detox kits is Toxin Rid. It is prepared with vitamins, minerals, and herbs, all-natural ingredients that are safe for consumption. The Toxin Rid program is divided into three parts: Tablets, Detox Liquid, and a Dietary Fiber Supplement.
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    Note: Refrain from heavy exercise while on the detox program as it makes it difficult to expel toxins from your body.
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    Tablets:
    Take three tablets after every five hours daily. Gulp them down with water, and do not take more than 15 tablets a day.
    Drink half a gallon of water and eat fresh fruits and vegetables.
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    Take the liquid two hours after your last set of rid tablets on the final day of your drug detox.
    Take half of the detox liquid with 8 to 16 ounces of distilled water or orange juice.
    Wait for 2 hours before taking the remaining half of the detox liquid.
    Do not eat or drink anything during this time period.
    Dietary Fiber Supplement (Optional):
    Mix the dietary fiber in 8 ounces of distilled or filtered water.
    Drink within two minutes.
    After 15 minutes of consuming this mixture, drink 16 ounces of water.
    Urinate two-three times within the next hour to flush THC toxins out of your system.
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    Pros
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    Works for almost all drugs
    Suits light, heavy, and moderate drug users
    Easy to consume
    Comes with instructions
    Cons
    Has potential side effects
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    How to use:
    Apply the Old Style Aloe Toxin Rid Shampoo to your moistened hair.
    Massage it on your hair and scalp thoroughly.
    Leave it on for about ten to fifteen minutes.
    Rinse with lukewarm water.
    Use the shampoo every day for 3-10 days for optimal results.
    Pros
    Easy to use
    Gentle on the hair
    Clears the hair off any toxins
    Has no side effects
    Cons
    Can only be purchased online
    #4. Apple Cider Vinegar
    Apple Cider Vinegar is another detox method you can use to rid the body of unwanted toxins. It lowers the THC traces and other chemicals. It also has antibacterial properties that help in the process of elimination of foreign particles from the body. ACV is also a common and effective method to clean up the THC build-up from the hair follicles and help you pass a hair drug test.
    ACV can be a viable detox option for those who do not wish to take THC detox drinks or pills. Although research on the potential side effects of Apple Cider Vinegar is limited, it should have no side effects when consumed in low doses. However, if you are taking any medications, we recommend that you consult with a doctor before beginning ACV detox.
    Apple Cider Vinegar detox is unquestionably a less expensive way to eliminate THC traces in your system. However, it may be less effective for heavy cannabis users. It is not as potent as other THC detox methods that have yielded the best results.
    How to use:
    Mix 8 ounces of distilled water with two-three tablespoons of apple cider vinegar.
    Sweeten with organic honey, stevia, or maple syrup. This will make it easier for you to consume the drink.
    It is safe to consume 1-2 tablespoons of ACV every day.
    To use as a hair wash
    Mix half a cup of ACV with a cup full of water and rinse thoroughly on all the days before your hair drug test.
    Pros
    Improves digestion
    Works as an immunity booster
    Easy to consume
    Can be used for both urine and hair follicle drug test
    Has no potential side effects if consumed in low doses
    Cons
    It may not be as effective as other detox methods
    5. Home Remedies
    While THC detox drinks and pills are effective methods of ridding your body of toxins, there are a few home remedies that can be helpful with the least amount of side effects. Some kitchen ingredients that, when used correctly, can help you pass a drug test. They expel THC toxins from your body. You can simply add these liquid detox drinks to your daily wellness routine for the best results.
    Lemon Juice
    Lemon Juice and water make for an excellent detox drink that can be easily prepared at home. The juice is rich in vitamins, minerals, and antioxidants, therefore making the detox method healthy and free of any side effects. It is used to flush THC toxins out of your body, and you are most likely to feel hydrated and refreshed after this.
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    How to use:
    Add one tablespoon of lemon juice with 500 ml of water and mix well.
    Drink this mixture 7-8 times on all days before the test.
    Cranberry Juice and water
    Cranberry Juice and water are one of the best THC detox methods that can be prepared at home. It has antioxidant properties that make it a trusted way to pass a drug test. But same as the lemon juice + water detox, this also works for light users. Also, cranberry juice water is not something that can help you pass a drug test on short notice.
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    How to use:
    Add cranberry juice, preferably a sugar-free one to a glass half-filled with ice.
    You can also add Apple Cider Vinegar for a tart flavor.
    Top with diced fresh fruits if you like.
    Drink almost two liters of juice the entire day.
    Urinate as frequently as required to cleanse your urine of THC metabolites.
    Note: Take a Vitamin B supplement after the Cranberry juice cleanses to make the color of your urine look normal. This will prevent suspicion and also your sample won’t get rejected.
    Pros
    Good source of Vitamin C
    Boost metabolism
    Reduce the toxin levels in the blood
    Have antibacterial properties
    No side effects
    Cons
    It may not be as effective
    What is Detoxification?
    Detoxification is the process of ridding your body of harmful toxins such as drugs, THC, and other foreign elements. It is a natural process that can be induced through a detox program, a clean diet, or an exercise routine.
    However, if you have a drug test coming up in a few days, it’s better to resort to other methods. You can try out detox drinks, detox pills, detox shampoo, or some home remedies. We will be discussing them in this article.
    Buyer’s Guide
    Got a drug test scheduled in the coming days but still haven’t decided on how to go about the THC detoxification process. We can help. Now that you know your options, let’s understand how we chose the best THC detox products for you.
    Speed of results
    You may not always have a week or two before the drug test. This is why you should choose THC detox products that provide effective results in a short period of time. We have compiled a list of products that work quickly. In addition, if you are a moderate or heavy user, you can select a THC detox kit based on the number of days until the test.
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    There is no scarcity of detox products in the market and when it is your career on the line, you’d want the most effective one. We have listed the THC detox products that have proven their potency over the years. These formulas are potent and reliable to help you pass the drug test.
    Ingredients
    When it comes to THC detoxification, we suggest products that are prepared with natural ingredients only. There shouldn’t be any artificial flavors, colors, or sweeteners. Moreover, these THC detox products should expel the toxins without causing any damage to your body. You should only go for safe and reliable brands.
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    If you are a heavy or moderate THC user, a simple detox drink or pill may not be enough to help you pass the test. You may need to use comprehensive detox programs like Toxin Rid to completely cleanse your system and increase your chances of passing the test. They also include a home test panel so you can ensure if the detox was effective or not before the actual test.
    Ease of use
    We have suggested user-friendly THC detox products for those who may not have time to prepare them at home. You simply mix them with distilled water and consume them as directed. However, for effective results, make sure you carefully follow the instructions.
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    Customer reviews can make or break a product. While putting together this list, we went through several reviews to understand if it is actually effective. As a consumer, we recommend you read through them yourself as well before making the purchase.
    Pricing
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    Types of Drug Tests
    Although most workplaces ask for a urine drug test, some would want to take saliva, blood, or a hair follicle test. These are the four types of drug tests based on the biological sample you provide for testing. Let’s talk about them in detail:
    Urine Drug Test
    A urine test is the most common type. You provide a urine sample for this test, which is then sent to the laboratory. Professionals examine it for the presence of THC, opioids, opiates, alcohol, methamphetamines, and other substances.
    Depending on your employer, this test can be either supervised or unsupervised. Urine is tested using indicators such as temperature, creatinine, color, and pH, which typically change over time.
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    A saliva drug test is the quickest and easiest way to detect drugs. Also known as a swab test, it can trace cocaine, opiates, and methamphetamines. The test is most likely to detect marijuana if you have consumed it within the last 10 hours.
    Blood Drug Test
    Blood tests are a good old and reliable way of detecting drugs and alcohol in your system. It can detect alcohol from up to 24 hours ago and weed/THC from up to three weeks ago. It is used to trace marijuana, amphetamines, opiates, cocaine, nicotine, methamphetamine, and other drugs.
    Hair Follicle Drug Test
    Drug traces can be found in their hair follicles for up to three months (90 days). This is often the case with long-term drug users. To perform this test, a single strand or chunk of your hair is taken from the root or follicle. The results take longer to come out, and it cannot track drugs consumed in less than five days.
    Marijuana, cocaine, opiates, methamphetamines, and PCP are all detected using this test. These drugs enter the bloodstream and are frequently deposited in the hair follicles.
    How to Choose the Best THC Detox Kit?
    We explained why we chose the THC detox products for you in the buyer’s guide above, right? Now in this section, we will help you understand the factors you should consider when selecting a detox kit. Take a look:
    Body weight
    THC detox supplements, pills, and drinks are made for people who are either under or over a certain weight. For example, a 32 oz bottle of Rescue Cleanse is appropriate for users weighing more than 200 lbs.
    The difference is usually of time. The detox process takes longer for heavier people as THC gets stored in the fat cells of our bodies. This is why they are recommended to opt for THC detox kits that need to be used for 10 days or more for a full cleanse.
    People who weigh less than 200 lbs can opt for a shorter detox program because the detox works faster on them.
    Metabolism
    Metabolism is another factor that influences the length and type of detox you should pursue. A 48-hour THC detox solution should suffice for those with a quick metabolism. Users with a slow metabolism may require a 10-day or longer detox program.
    It’s simple: faster metabolism equals faster toxin removal from the body.
    Frequency of use
    Cannabis users are classified into three categories: light, moderate, and heavy. The frequency with which you consume THC determines which THC detox product is best for you.
    For instance: If you are a moderate or heavy user, a strong detox drink like Rescue Clean and a Toxin Rid program can help you cleanse your system.
    If you are a light user, however, a short Toxin Rid program and even home remedies like lemon juice and cranberry juice water can be beneficial.
    Underlying health conditions
    Although the best THC detox kits are made with natural ingredients and are completely safe to use, they may not suit everyone.
    For example, Caffeine is a stimulant and may not be suitable for people with heart problems. Furthermore, high-sugar THC detox products, such as cranberry juice, can cause diabetic patients’ blood sugar levels to rise.
    If you have a pre-existing medical condition, it is best to consult a doctor before beginning any detox program. You should also thoroughly research the product’s ingredients to ensure you are not allergic to any of them.
    Try the Following Methods if You Don’t Have Time for THC Detox
    Cleansing your body off the THC metabolites using natural detox methods is a time-consuming process. Not everyone is given prior notice before a drug test. Therefore, they have to resort to the following alternative methods:
    Drug test at home
    Drug test kits can be purchased and kept at home to see if the THC detox is effective before the actual test. It will help you determine if there are traces of THC left in your system. You can test in the privacy of your own home. You do not need to get tested elsewhere or spend extra money before your employer’s test.
    Cannabis remains in your system for at least seven days after consumption. Take the test as many times until you get a negative. These tests are usually accurate.
    The kit is easy to use. Here’s how you can test at home:
    Open the box and take out the marijuana test stripe.
    Make sure the pouch is at room temperature before you open it.
    Keep the urine sample ready.
    Dip the end of the test panel with an arrow in the urine sample for 10-15 seconds.
    Here’s how to analyze the result:
    Two lines: The result is negative
    One line: The result is positive
    No lines: Invalid result, Retest with a new kit
    Synthetic Urine
    Too late for a detox? Then, your last resort is synthetic urine. For those of you who don’t know, synthetic urine is artificial pee created in a laboratory. It resembles human pee in terms of color, smell, and appearance.
    Synthetic urine contains real urine constituents such as uric acid, urea, creatinine, and so on. It is completely toxin-free, allowing you to pass the urine drug test. You can replace your natural pee with synthetic urine, and you’ll be fine. It can be difficult to sneak fake urine into the testing facility, but it is not impossible.
    There are two types of synthetic urine:
    Powdered Urine: This synthetic urine comes in powdered form and must be turned into pee by adding water to it. It is usually dehydrated urine that looks and smells like regular pee. It has a longer shelf life as compared to liquid synthetic urine. One disadvantage of this urine is that if not properly prepared, it can result in a failed drug test.
    Liquid Urine: Also known as premixed urine, liquid urine is easy to use. It is suitable for sudden urine drug tests as you don’t have to prepare anything. However, you will have to warm it up before submitting the sample to the testing center.
    Here are a few synthetic urine brands you can choose from:
    Test Clear
    A reliable brand, Test Clear uses dehydrated urine as its product. This means you get actual human pee just in the powdered form. It automatically has the real pee constituents like urea, uric acid, creatinine, etc. You just need to add water, warm it up and submit the sample.
    Sub Solution
    Sub Solution powdered synthetic urine kit is one of the most popular products in the market at the moment. It is made of 11 chemical compounds, including urea, uric acid, creatinine, and others. It also includes a patent heat activator formula that quickly raises the temperature of the urine to match the body’s temperature.
    Clear Choice Incognito Belt
    Clear Choice is one of the best synthetic urine brands out there. Their urine comes in liquid form, making it easy to use. It’s difficult to sneak fake pee inside the testing facility, but this Incognito Belt will help you carry it without anyone noticing. To raise the temperature of the urine, use the heat pad that comes with the kit.
    Quick Luck Fake Pee
    Quick Luck Premium Synthetic Urine Kit has the term “premium” in its name because of a reason. It comes in liquid form, thus saving you from the hassle of mixing. It is user-friendly and can be heated with ease before submitting the sample.
    Urinator
    One of the most common reasons for fake pee being rejected is that it is not the proper temperature. The Urinator is a device that aids in the temperature regulation of your urine. It includes a powdered urine sample as well as an IV bag to sneak the urine inside the testing facility.
    Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
    Q. How to speed up the THC detox?
    You can speed up the THC detox process by drinking plenty of water, eating fresh fruits and vegetables, and engaging in light exercise on a regular basis. You must also urinate frequently in order to flush drug traces from your system. However, make sure that these activities do not interfere with your detox program.
    Q. Which is the most effective THC detox method?
    A mixed detox works well for an effective THC detox. Detox kits contain a variety of THC detox supplements that work together to lower the toxin levels in your body. Toxin Rid is one of the best THC detox programs that can help you get the toxins out of your system completely. It consists of detox pills, detox liquid, and a dietary fiber supplement. Drink plenty of water and urinate frequently to flush the THC metabolites from your body. This will help you easily pass a drug test.
    Q. How long does cannabis stay in your body?
    Cannabis can be detected in your body fluids like urine for 3-30 days. It can stay in your hair follicles for up to three months.
    Q. Do THC Detox pills work?
    Yes, THC detox pills are most effective if you have 5-15 days before a drug test. They are one of the best THC detox products that have to be taken at regular intervals. Detox pills work by increasing the body’s metabolism and thus pushing toxins out of the body. You must take the pills for at least one day to achieve the best results.
    Q. Should I change my diet while on a cleanse to pass a drug test?
    Most THC detox kits come with dietary instructions and guides that work best with the cleansing process. Make sure you eat a clean and balanced diet and also indulge in light exercise for effective results.
    Q. How can you detox from drugs while pregnant?
    When you are pregnant, detoxing is more than just passing a drug test. Toxins in your body are harmful to the fetus and must be eliminated as soon as possible for your and your baby’s health. In this condition, traditional detox kits and products may not be the best option for you. Consult your doctor for advice on safe detox methods.
    Q. How fast do detox pills work?
    A good detox pill will clean your system of toxins in one to two hours and keep you clear for the next six hours.
    Q. How is THC stored in the body?
    As THC is fat soluble, it gets entrapped in the fat cells of our body. It then breaks down and enters the bloodstream. This is why it doesn’t get metabolized easily to make its way out with the waste products of the body. THC is most likely to stay longer in the system of people with a high body mass index.
    Q. Is detox tea effective for Weed/THC?
    Detox teas are diuretics, which means they make you pee more frequently. They aid in the cleansing of the kidneys, allowing you to pass a drug test. However, detox tea may not be effective in removing toxins from the body. Instead, it masks them so that the cannabinoids in the urine cannot be identified.
    Also, it can cause the creatinine levels in the sample to fluctuate, which can alert the lab technician.
    Q. How to pass a saliva drug test?
    A saliva drug test is most likely to detect cannabis if you have consumed it within the last 10 hours. You can use Toxin Rid Mouthwash to pass such a test.
    Take a sip from the mouthwash and swish it around your mouth for 15 seconds.
    Repeat this process 2-3 times or until the bottle is empty.
    Once done, take the test within the next 30 minutes.
    Do not drink or eat anything during this time period.
    Conclusion
    As THC is a psychoactive component of Cannabis, it can affect your ability to work and function. This has led to many employers testing their employees for it. If you are an avid Cannabis user, it is a cause of great concern. There are several THC detox methods that can help cleanse your system before the drug test.
    We have suggested to you the best THC detox products in the market using which you no longer have to worry about failing a test. Most of them work effectively and efficiently. The best part is that all the products are safe for use and won’t harm your body in the long run. Get started on your THC detox as soon as possible for optimal results.
    https://www.common/

  5. Got a new job or your current employer is asking you to take the “regular” drug test? Ah well, we have all been there. Drug tests are common in many countries, especially in the United States. The employer wants the workplace to be drug-free and the employees in the right state of mind to perform their tasks.
    However, for a frequent cannabis or THC user, this can be a cause of concern. We mean, who doesn’t like to unwind and relax a bit after a long hard day of work? Unfortunately, these tests are mandatory, and you have to pass them in order to keep your job.
    Fret not, as we have a solution. THC detoxing is how you can pass a drug test with flying colors. Not sure how this works? We are here to help. We have curated a list of the best THC detox products that will flush the toxins out of the system and will give you a clean slate. You can go with the one that best suits your requirements.
    You will also get to know about the process of detoxification and how drug tests work if you are taking one for the first time. Also, we will be telling you about alternative methods in case you are out of time. Read on.
    Best THC Detox Methods
    Detox Drinks – Best THC Detox Method
    Detox Pills – Dazzling Pills For THC Detox
    Detox Shampoo – Reliable THC Detox Kit
    Now that you have an overview of what we have in store for you, let’s talk about these best THC Detox products in detail:
    #1. Detox Drinks: Best THC Detox Method
    If you don’t have time for a five or a 10-day cleanse, you can use a detox drink to rid your body of all the drug residues. It is a fast-acting treatment that can be done on the same day as your test. THC detox drinks are effective and efficient.
    We recommend the Rescue Cleanse detox drink, which is a tried and tested formula to pass a drug test. It is one of the most popular drinks in the market right now and is preferred by many customers.
    Rescue Cleanse is a one-step drink that is available in cranberry and apple flavor. The drink is made by Clear Choice and is often referred to as Clear Choice Detox. It has to be taken on the day of the test. It is prepared using natural ingredients. It removes the toxins from your bloodstream, which are then filtered out by the liver to be completely eliminated from the body as you urinate.
    A strong drink, Rescue Cleanse flushes out the harmful toxins from your body in just one hour. You will be in the “clear zone” for the next five hours to take the test and pass it. Please note that maximum effectiveness is achieved within the first hour of drink consumption. Therefore, it’s best to take the test within this time frame.
    The 32 oz drink is suitable for those over 200 lbs. If you weigh less, we recommend you go for a 17oz bottle instead. These detox drinks are specifically designed to detox people by their weight. You should be off all the toxins for at least 48 hours before consuming the drink.
    As compared to competitors, the Rescue Cleanse drink is affordable. You can also buy a test panel to take a self-test before you go to the center.
    How to use:
    Do not eat or drink anything, including water, for at least 4 hours before consuming the drink.
    For the best flavor, keep the bottle refrigerated before using.
    Shake well and consume the entire bottle. Do it at your own pace, not all at once.
    Wait for 60 minutes for the detox to take effect.
    Urinate frequently during this time to eliminate THC toxins.
    After this one hour, you will be in the clear zone for the next five hours to take the test.
    Continue avoiding food and beverages except for water.
    Pros
    Contains natural and safe ingredients
    Tastes good
    Reliable and effective
    Comes with instructions
    Good customer service
    Cons
    The effect wears out after 5 hours
    Click here to visit the official website of Rescue Cleanse
    #2. Detox Pills: Dazzling Pills For THC Detox
    Unless there has been a recent incident, your employer will give you advance notice before scheduling a drug test. THC Detox pills should be effective if you have 5-15 days before the test. They boost your body’s metabolism, allowing it to eliminate toxins more quickly and effectively. Needless to say, you have to strictly stay off all toxins or drugs during this time period.
    THC Detox pills are usually part of a program that you need to follow for a few days. For instance, a Toxin Rid program ranges from 1 day to 14 days. It all depends on what kind of THC user you are and also your height, weight, and metabolism. Toxin Rid has programs of all types for users: Light, moderate, and heavy.
    As mentioned above, one of the most popular THC detox kits is Toxin Rid. It is prepared with vitamins, minerals, and herbs, all-natural ingredients that are safe for consumption. The Toxin Rid program is divided into three parts: Tablets, Detox Liquid, and a Dietary Fiber Supplement.
    Normally, THC can stay in your body for about 30 days, and Toxin Rid can expedite the process of flushing out the toxins. It can also be a way to get clean once and for all. The pills are to be taken every few hours and with every tablet, the THC traces are removed from your system.
    This detox program requires a lot of effort and dedication. To make sure you are ready for the test, you can buy a home test.
    Note: Refrain from heavy exercise while on the detox program as it makes it difficult to expel toxins from your body.
    How to use (Detox Program)
    Tablets:
    Take three tablets after every five hours daily. Gulp them down with water, and do not take more than 15 tablets a day.
    Drink half a gallon of water and eat fresh fruits and vegetables.
    Detox Liquid:
    Take the liquid two hours after your last set of rid tablets on the final day of your drug detox.
    Take half of the detox liquid with 8 to 16 ounces of distilled water or orange juice.
    Wait for 2 hours before taking the remaining half of the detox liquid.
    Do not eat or drink anything during this time period.
    Dietary Fiber Supplement (Optional):
    Mix the dietary fiber in 8 ounces of distilled or filtered water.
    Drink within two minutes.
    After 15 minutes of consuming this mixture, drink 16 ounces of water.
    Urinate two-three times within the next hour to flush THC toxins out of your system.
    If your employer requires a saliva drug test, you should use Toxin Rid Mouthwash. It is a powerful solution that can remove drug traces from your mouth in just 30 minutes, allowing you to pass the saliva drug test.
    Pros
    Is prepared with natural ingredients
    Works for almost all drugs
    Suits light, heavy, and moderate drug users
    Easy to consume
    Comes with instructions
    Cons
    Has potential side effects
    Click here to visit the official website of Detox Pills
    #3. Detox Shampoo: Reliable THC Detox Kit
    Although urine tests are the most commonly used method of drug testing in the workplace, some employers may request a hair follicle drug test. Did you know that? Drug traces can remain in your hair follicles for up to 90 days. They take either a chunk or a single hair from the roots or follicle for testing.
    Once you consume THC, it travels through your bloodstream, interacting with various molecules before getting logged into your body’s tissue like the hair follicles. So, how do you remove the THC traces from your hair for the drug test? We recommend one of the best THC detox shampoos that you can use to rinse your hair and pass a drug test. Enter: Old Style Aloe Toxin Rid Shampoo.
    It is a potent and effective shampoo that removes all THC toxins from your hair. Because of the presence of Aloe in the shampoo, it is gentle on your hair and removes THC traces without causing any damage. It’s a deep cleansing formula that gently removes residual buildup, pollutants, chemicals, and other impurities from the hair. It’s crucial to wash your hair thoroughly and remove all the older layers of oil.
    You can pair it up with Ultra Clean Shampoo. Use it on the day of your test for effective results. Please note that you need to use THC detox shampoo at least 15 times before taking a test. Also, it is recommended to not use any previously used items on your hair to avoid the reintroduction of toxins.
    How to use:
    Apply the Old Style Aloe Toxin Rid Shampoo to your moistened hair.
    Massage it on your hair and scalp thoroughly.
    Leave it on for about ten to fifteen minutes.
    Rinse with lukewarm water.
    Use the shampoo every day for 3-10 days for optimal results.
    Pros
    Easy to use
    Gentle on the hair
    Clears the hair off any toxins
    Has no side effects
    Cons
    Can only be purchased online
    #4. Apple Cider Vinegar
    Apple Cider Vinegar is another detox method you can use to rid the body of unwanted toxins. It lowers the THC traces and other chemicals. It also has antibacterial properties that help in the process of elimination of foreign particles from the body. ACV is also a common and effective method to clean up the THC build-up from the hair follicles and help you pass a hair drug test.
    ACV can be a viable detox option for those who do not wish to take THC detox drinks or pills. Although research on the potential side effects of Apple Cider Vinegar is limited, it should have no side effects when consumed in low doses. However, if you are taking any medications, we recommend that you consult with a doctor before beginning ACV detox.
    Apple Cider Vinegar detox is unquestionably a less expensive way to eliminate THC traces in your system. However, it may be less effective for heavy cannabis users. It is not as potent as other THC detox methods that have yielded the best results.
    How to use:
    Mix 8 ounces of distilled water with two-three tablespoons of apple cider vinegar.
    Sweeten with organic honey, stevia, or maple syrup. This will make it easier for you to consume the drink.
    It is safe to consume 1-2 tablespoons of ACV every day.
    To use as a hair wash
    Mix half a cup of ACV with a cup full of water and rinse thoroughly on all the days before your hair drug test.
    Pros
    Improves digestion
    Works as an immunity booster
    Easy to consume
    Can be used for both urine and hair follicle drug test
    Has no potential side effects if consumed in low doses
    Cons
    It may not be as effective as other detox methods
    5. Home Remedies
    While THC detox drinks and pills are effective methods of ridding your body of toxins, there are a few home remedies that can be helpful with the least amount of side effects. Some kitchen ingredients that, when used correctly, can help you pass a drug test. They expel THC toxins from your body. You can simply add these liquid detox drinks to your daily wellness routine for the best results.
    Lemon Juice
    Lemon Juice and water make for an excellent detox drink that can be easily prepared at home. The juice is rich in vitamins, minerals, and antioxidants, therefore making the detox method healthy and free of any side effects. It is used to flush THC toxins out of your body, and you are most likely to feel hydrated and refreshed after this.
    Lemon Juice detox will effectively clean your pee from all the THC particles and help you pass the urine drug test with ease. This method does not work for blood, saliva, and hair follicle drug tests.
    Please note that this THC detox drink usually works for only light Cannabis and THC users. If you are a moderate and heavy user, we suggest you go for alternative detox methods as lemon juice and water will only dilute your urine which may lead to your sample getting rejected.
    How to use:
    Add one tablespoon of lemon juice with 500 ml of water and mix well.
    Drink this mixture 7-8 times on all days before the test.
    Cranberry Juice and water
    Cranberry Juice and water are one of the best THC detox methods that can be prepared at home. It has antioxidant properties that make it a trusted way to pass a drug test. But same as the lemon juice + water detox, this also works for light users. Also, cranberry juice water is not something that can help you pass a drug test on short notice.
    This detox drink is easy to prepare and is quite healthy. It promotes gut health and is a low-calorie concoction. Make sure you drink plenty of fluids as a way for toxins to get out of your body through urine. This is why it is better to do this detox at home or in a comfortable place with easy access to the washroom. You also need to stay away from THC during this detoxification process.
    How to use:
    Add cranberry juice, preferably a sugar-free one to a glass half-filled with ice.
    You can also add Apple Cider Vinegar for a tart flavor.
    Top with diced fresh fruits if you like.
    Drink almost two liters of juice the entire day.
    Urinate as frequently as required to cleanse your urine of THC metabolites.
    Note: Take a Vitamin B supplement after the Cranberry juice cleanses to make the color of your urine look normal. This will prevent suspicion and also your sample won’t get rejected.
    Pros
    Good source of Vitamin C
    Boost metabolism
    Reduce the toxin levels in the blood
    Have antibacterial properties
    No side effects
    Cons
    It may not be as effective
    What is Detoxification?
    Detoxification is the process of ridding your body of harmful toxins such as drugs, THC, and other foreign elements. It is a natural process that can be induced through a detox program, a clean diet, or an exercise routine.
    However, if you have a drug test coming up in a few days, it’s better to resort to other methods. You can try out detox drinks, detox pills, detox shampoo, or some home remedies. We will be discussing them in this article.
    Buyer’s Guide
    Got a drug test scheduled in the coming days but still haven’t decided on how to go about the THC detoxification process. We can help. Now that you know your options, let’s understand how we chose the best THC detox products for you.
    Speed of results
    You may not always have a week or two before the drug test. This is why you should choose THC detox products that provide effective results in a short period of time. We have compiled a list of products that work quickly. In addition, if you are a moderate or heavy user, you can select a THC detox kit based on the number of days until the test.
    Effectiveness
    There is no scarcity of detox products in the market and when it is your career on the line, you’d want the most effective one. We have listed the THC detox products that have proven their potency over the years. These formulas are potent and reliable to help you pass the drug test.
    Ingredients
    When it comes to THC detoxification, we suggest products that are prepared with natural ingredients only. There shouldn’t be any artificial flavors, colors, or sweeteners. Moreover, these THC detox products should expel the toxins without causing any damage to your body. You should only go for safe and reliable brands.
    Comprehensive detox programs
    If you are a heavy or moderate THC user, a simple detox drink or pill may not be enough to help you pass the test. You may need to use comprehensive detox programs like Toxin Rid to completely cleanse your system and increase your chances of passing the test. They also include a home test panel so you can ensure if the detox was effective or not before the actual test.
    Ease of use
    We have suggested user-friendly THC detox products for those who may not have time to prepare them at home. You simply mix them with distilled water and consume them as directed. However, for effective results, make sure you carefully follow the instructions.
    Customer reviews
    Customer reviews can make or break a product. While putting together this list, we went through several reviews to understand if it is actually effective. As a consumer, we recommend you read through them yourself as well before making the purchase.
    Pricing
    Detox products are available in a variety of price ranges. But to be honest, some of them can be really expensive. We have included both expensive and affordable options in the list after extensive research. Choose the one that best meets your needs.
    Types of Drug Tests
    Although most workplaces ask for a urine drug test, some would want to take saliva, blood, or a hair follicle test. These are the four types of drug tests based on the biological sample you provide for testing. Let’s talk about them in detail:
    Urine Drug Test
    A urine test is the most common type. You provide a urine sample for this test, which is then sent to the laboratory. Professionals examine it for the presence of THC, opioids, opiates, alcohol, methamphetamines, and other substances.
    Depending on your employer, this test can be either supervised or unsupervised. Urine is tested using indicators such as temperature, creatinine, color, and pH, which typically change over time.
    Saliva Drug Tests
    A saliva drug test is the quickest and easiest way to detect drugs. Also known as a swab test, it can trace cocaine, opiates, and methamphetamines. The test is most likely to detect marijuana if you have consumed it within the last 10 hours.
    Blood Drug Test
    Blood tests are a good old and reliable way of detecting drugs and alcohol in your system. It can detect alcohol from up to 24 hours ago and weed/THC from up to three weeks ago. It is used to trace marijuana, amphetamines, opiates, cocaine, nicotine, methamphetamine, and other drugs.
    Hair Follicle Drug Test
    Drug traces can be found in their hair follicles for up to three months (90 days). This is often the case with long-term drug users. To perform this test, a single strand or chunk of your hair is taken from the root or follicle. The results take longer to come out, and it cannot track drugs consumed in less than five days.
    Marijuana, cocaine, opiates, methamphetamines, and PCP are all detected using this test. These drugs enter the bloodstream and are frequently deposited in the hair follicles.
    How to Choose the Best THC Detox Kit?
    We explained why we chose the THC detox products for you in the buyer’s guide above, right? Now in this section, we will help you understand the factors you should consider when selecting a detox kit. Take a look:
    Body weight
    THC detox supplements, pills, and drinks are made for people who are either under or over a certain weight. For example, a 32 oz bottle of Rescue Cleanse is appropriate for users weighing more than 200 lbs.
    The difference is usually of time. The detox process takes longer for heavier people as THC gets stored in the fat cells of our bodies. This is why they are recommended to opt for THC detox kits that need to be used for 10 days or more for a full cleanse.
    People who weigh less than 200 lbs can opt for a shorter detox program because the detox works faster on them.
    Metabolism
    Metabolism is another factor that influences the length and type of detox you should pursue. A 48-hour THC detox solution should suffice for those with a quick metabolism. Users with a slow metabolism may require a 10-day or longer detox program.
    It’s simple: faster metabolism equals faster toxin removal from the body.
    Frequency of use
    Cannabis users are classified into three categories: light, moderate, and heavy. The frequency with which you consume THC determines which THC detox product is best for you.
    For instance: If you are a moderate or heavy user, a strong detox drink like Rescue Clean and a Toxin Rid program can help you cleanse your system.
    If you are a light user, however, a short Toxin Rid program and even home remedies like lemon juice and cranberry juice water can be beneficial.
    Underlying health conditions
    Although the best THC detox kits are made with natural ingredients and are completely safe to use, they may not suit everyone.
    For example, Caffeine is a stimulant and may not be suitable for people with heart problems. Furthermore, high-sugar THC detox products, such as cranberry juice, can cause diabetic patients’ blood sugar levels to rise.
    If you have a pre-existing medical condition, it is best to consult a doctor before beginning any detox program. You should also thoroughly research the product’s ingredients to ensure you are not allergic to any of them.
    Try the Following Methods if You Don’t Have Time for THC Detox
    Cleansing your body off the THC metabolites using natural detox methods is a time-consuming process. Not everyone is given prior notice before a drug test. Therefore, they have to resort to the following alternative methods:
    Drug test at home
    Drug test kits can be purchased and kept at home to see if the THC detox is effective before the actual test. It will help you determine if there are traces of THC left in your system. You can test in the privacy of your own home. You do not need to get tested elsewhere or spend extra money before your employer’s test.
    Cannabis remains in your system for at least seven days after consumption. Take the test as many times until you get a negative. These tests are usually accurate.
    The kit is easy to use. Here’s how you can test at home:
    Open the box and take out the marijuana test stripe.
    Make sure the pouch is at room temperature before you open it.
    Keep the urine sample ready.
    Dip the end of the test panel with an arrow in the urine sample for 10-15 seconds.
    Here’s how to analyze the result:
    Two lines: The result is negative
    One line: The result is positive
    No lines: Invalid result, Retest with a new kit
    Synthetic Urine
    Too late for a detox? Then, your last resort is synthetic urine. For those of you who don’t know, synthetic urine is artificial pee created in a laboratory. It resembles human pee in terms of color, smell, and appearance.
    Synthetic urine contains real urine constituents such as uric acid, urea, creatinine, and so on. It is completely toxin-free, allowing you to pass the urine drug test. You can replace your natural pee with synthetic urine, and you’ll be fine. It can be difficult to sneak fake urine into the testing facility, but it is not impossible.
    There are two types of synthetic urine:
    Powdered Urine: This synthetic urine comes in powdered form and must be turned into pee by adding water to it. It is usually dehydrated urine that looks and smells like regular pee. It has a longer shelf life as compared to liquid synthetic urine. One disadvantage of this urine is that if not properly prepared, it can result in a failed drug test.
    Liquid Urine: Also known as premixed urine, liquid urine is easy to use. It is suitable for sudden urine drug tests as you don’t have to prepare anything. However, you will have to warm it up before submitting the sample to the testing center.
    Here are a few synthetic urine brands you can choose from:
    Test Clear
    A reliable brand, Test Clear uses dehydrated urine as its product. This means you get actual human pee just in the powdered form. It automatically has the real pee constituents like urea, uric acid, creatinine, etc. You just need to add water, warm it up and submit the sample.
    Sub Solution
    Sub Solution powdered synthetic urine kit is one of the most popular products in the market at the moment. It is made of 11 chemical compounds, including urea, uric acid, creatinine, and others. It also includes a patent heat activator formula that quickly raises the temperature of the urine to match the body’s temperature.
    Clear Choice Incognito Belt
    Clear Choice is one of the best synthetic urine brands out there. Their urine comes in liquid form, making it easy to use. It’s difficult to sneak fake pee inside the testing facility, but this Incognito Belt will help you carry it without anyone noticing. To raise the temperature of the urine, use the heat pad that comes with the kit.
    Quick Luck Fake Pee
    Quick Luck Premium Synthetic Urine Kit has the term “premium” in its name because of a reason. It comes in liquid form, thus saving you from the hassle of mixing. It is user-friendly and can be heated with ease before submitting the sample.
    Urinator
    One of the most common reasons for fake pee being rejected is that it is not the proper temperature. The Urinator is a device that aids in the temperature regulation of your urine. It includes a powdered urine sample as well as an IV bag to sneak the urine inside the testing facility.
    Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
    Q. How to speed up the THC detox?
    You can speed up the THC detox process by drinking plenty of water, eating fresh fruits and vegetables, and engaging in light exercise on a regular basis. You must also urinate frequently in order to flush drug traces from your system. However, make sure that these activities do not interfere with your detox program.
    Q. Which is the most effective THC detox method?
    A mixed detox works well for an effective THC detox. Detox kits contain a variety of THC detox supplements that work together to lower the toxin levels in your body. Toxin Rid is one of the best THC detox programs that can help you get the toxins out of your system completely. It consists of detox pills, detox liquid, and a dietary fiber supplement. Drink plenty of water and urinate frequently to flush the THC metabolites from your body. This will help you easily pass a drug test.
    Q. How long does cannabis stay in your body?
    Cannabis can be detected in your body fluids like urine for 3-30 days. It can stay in your hair follicles for up to three months.
    Q. Do THC Detox pills work?
    Yes, THC detox pills are most effective if you have 5-15 days before a drug test. They are one of the best THC detox products that have to be taken at regular intervals. Detox pills work by increasing the body’s metabolism and thus pushing toxins out of the body. You must take the pills for at least one day to achieve the best results.
    Q. Should I change my diet while on a cleanse to pass a drug test?
    Most THC detox kits come with dietary instructions and guides that work best with the cleansing process. Make sure you eat a clean and balanced diet and also indulge in light exercise for effective results.
    Q. How can you detox from drugs while pregnant?
    When you are pregnant, detoxing is more than just passing a drug test. Toxins in your body are harmful to the fetus and must be eliminated as soon as possible for your and your baby’s health. In this condition, traditional detox kits and products may not be the best option for you. Consult your doctor for advice on safe detox methods.
    Q. How fast do detox pills work?
    A good detox pill will clean your system of toxins in one to two hours and keep you clear for the next six hours.
    Q. How is THC stored in the body?
    As THC is fat soluble, it gets entrapped in the fat cells of our body. It then breaks down and enters the bloodstream. This is why it doesn’t get metabolized easily to make its way out with the waste products of the body. THC is most likely to stay longer in the system of people with a high body mass index.
    Q. Is detox tea effective for Weed/THC?
    Detox teas are diuretics, which means they make you pee more frequently. They aid in the cleansing of the kidneys, allowing you to pass a drug test. However, detox tea may not be effective in removing toxins from the body. Instead, it masks them so that the cannabinoids in the urine cannot be identified.
    Also, it can cause the creatinine levels in the sample to fluctuate, which can alert the lab technician.
    Q. How to pass a saliva drug test?
    A saliva drug test is most likely to detect cannabis if you have consumed it within the last 10 hours. You can use Toxin Rid Mouthwash to pass such a test.
    Take a sip from the mouthwash and swish it around your mouth for 15 seconds.
    Repeat this process 2-3 times or until the bottle is empty.
    Once done, take the test within the next 30 minutes.
    Do not drink or eat anything during this time period.
    Conclusion
    As THC is a psychoactive component of Cannabis, it can affect your ability to work and function. This has led to many employers testing their employees for it. If you are an avid Cannabis user, it is a cause of great concern. There are several THC detox methods that can help cleanse your system before the drug test.
    We have suggested to you the best THC detox products in the market using which you no longer have to worry about failing a test. Most of them work effectively and efficiently. The best part is that all the products are safe for use and won’t harm your body in the long run. Get started on your THC detox as soon as possible for optimal results.

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