Fuck You, School Holidays. Why School Holidays Can Eat A Dick & Die.

Today was the last day of School Holidays for my little Preppie. I’d love to say the last two weeks have been amazing and we are high on life after the extra bonding time, but I’d be lying. A lot.

Instead, I’m going to fess-up to feeling tired, haggard, impatient and completely exhausted. I’m even looking back to the first two years of raising babies as being an easier task than having a school holiday break.

For the uninitiated, here’s why.

THEY FINISH EARLY ON THE LAST DAY OF TERM.

Oh, the schools are clever little institutions, aren’t they? They make it sound like a treat. A well earned early mark after a busy term. Would it kill them to just ride it out for one more hour so it doesn’t completely fuck with your day? No. They just laugh at you as they toss your little cherubs out the door.

THEN THEY GET SICK

Yep. They will be spewing, pooing, sneezing and snorting all over you the minute they get a break. You will then be dealing with the entire house getting sick as they all take it in merry turns to cover you in all manner of bodily fluids.

THEY WANT YOU TO ENTERTAIN THEM 24/7

I’m boooooooored, they cry, even if you’ve mustered up every ounce of strength to take them to an indoor play centre.  And if you are at home, they will just destroy every room and get into everything they shouldn’t be, just for shits n giggles.

THEY FIGHT. ALL. FUCKING. DAY.

THEIR ROUTINE (AND YOUR SANITY) FLIES OUT THE WINDOW.

Yay! Stay up a little later, enjoy yourselves. But they still wake up at the crack of fucking dawn.

Top of the morning to ya! FML.

THE DAYS SEEM REALLY……LONG.

YOU SPEND A LOT OF TIME CLEANING. A LOT OF TIME.

THEY HAVE EPIC MELTDOWNS BECAUSE EVERYTHING IS SO UNPREDICTABLE.

Never mind trying the whole variety is the spice of life crap. Kids thrive on routine. And nothing about school holidays spells routine, so expect them to get fucked up.

Yeah, I can’t say I am such a fan of the school holidays when you are not actually going on a holiday.  It kinda sorta sucks. It’s just like one, big, long, boring weekend where you haemorrhage cash and pick the post-it notes off the wall in the count-down to when school starts again. Which brings its own set of issues, but at least from 9-3 they are someone else’s problem.

Look, don’t get me wrong, my kids are amazing. But when we come to the end of next term, I want a pool and a breakfast buffet and a kids club and some cocktails. Because spending two weeks on a soggy, freezing, mountain,  wasn’t all that fantastic. Fuck you school holidays, and fuck you school holidays in the middle of winter. You suck.

THE END

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