Fuck You, Public Toilets.

Nobody likes going to a public toilet, least of all me. Though I did have a boyfriend once that insisted he poo at work so he “got paid for it”. He was quite a tight arse, but I saw his point.

The worst public toilets I have ever seen were in the Serengeti campgrounds I stayed in and also many of the border stops between countries in Africa. Now, I wasn’t expecting them to be modern and gleaming, but I’m talking shit sprayed up the walls and even covering the windows bad. I learned that a bush wee and burying my own shit with a shovel was far better than risking permanent psychological trauma by visiting one of these blocks.

The second worst experience was just the other day in the affluent (not to be confused by effluent) suburb of Northbridge. It was a petrol station that will remain nameless, but oh my god……it looked like a crack den that hasn’t seen a bottle of Domestos since 1972. I was horrified. But busting.

I had no option than to hover nervously over the bowl and do my cheeky wee and get the fuck out of there. I didn’t flush it because I was sure I would get herpes from touching the button, and I also didn’t wash my hands. This is probably why this block is so putrid, as people are too fucking scared to touch anything. And so continues the vicious cycle of filth.

I was so grossed out I couldn’t even bring myself to tell the dude who had a long queue of customers just how bad it was. But I am sure he knew….

Public toilets in parks are my worst fear. I always think I am going to open the door and find someone dead on the ground, which is usually why I kick the door open with my foot too. Never once I have I found a dead body, but I am sure one day I will. Have you ever visited one in winter and done a wee? The steam rising from the stainless steel bowl is like a really fucked up aromatherapy mist, and I hold my breath to make sure I don’t inhale any particles from someone else’s arse.

Another pet hate is people who leave the toilet seat down in a public toilet. I will deliberately avoid those ones for two reasons. 1. I am certain they put the lid down to hide the 3-metre anaconda-like shit that didn’t flush properly, and this includes planes, because of ‘Snakes on a Plane’). 2. I would have to touch the seat and die of every disease known to man.

If I am out in a place that is equipped with disabled toilets, I will always pick these over the regular line-up-and-start-tapping-your-toe-as-your-turtle-head-creeps-out situation. But it’s not always smooth sailing in these ones either. They are so big that your kids can just walk over and open the door, because who doesn’t want to press a great big button!? Oh yeah, pants around the ankles as I scuttle towards the door and a sniggering queue of randoms has happened to me, and I’m very ashamed to admit it.

I’m also wary of public toilets with short doors or cracks on either side of the door that are a little too big. Because of creepy people that want to sneak a peek. I remember that old saying in drama school when I was backstage. “If you can see the audience, the audience can see you”. Choose a thin cracked cubicle, or you might just end up in some crazy video on the dark web.

Fuck You Public toilets. Fuck your big cracks and closed seats and stainless steel poopourri in the winter time. Fuck your long queues and your big green buttons way across the other side of the cubicle and your general disgustingness.  Fuck the crack den decor and the possibility of seeing a dead body too. It’s bad enough we have to even go anywhere near you, let alone worry about finding a cadaver.  You Suck.

THE END

Liked it? Then look out for my upcoming review of female urination devices. Where you stand up and pee like a dude. Yep, I’m going there.

1,733 comments

  1. The following three inclusion criteria were applied to the studies that were retrieved 1 all patients having hormone receptor positive breast cancer positive for estrogen receptor, progesterone receptor or both; 2 clear description of the status of the ER and PR; and 3 quantified DFS, OS or BCSS by effective measures such as hazard ratios HRs or relative risks RRs nolvadex where to buy Strengths They are very good about calling with results in a timely manner

  2. Адвокати Львова

    Всі види людських взаємин і будь-яка букваіяльність у певний момент можуть вимагати втручання юристів. Адвокати завжди є адвокатами, але щоб отримати свою професію, вони складають іпочивает і отримують литромічиншію. Це означає наявність букваільшого досвіду роботи та вот вищу квалібукваікацію.
    Адвокати Львова

  3. Very good site you have here but I was wanting to know if you
    knew of any user discussion forums that cover the same topics discussed in this article?
    I’d really like to be a part of online community where I can get comments from other experienced individuals that share the same interest.
    If you have any suggestions, please let me know.

    Cheers!

  4. Hey There. I found your blog using msn. This is a very well written article.

    I will be sure to bookmark it and return to read more of your useful info.

    Thanks for the post. I will definitely comeback.

  5. Pingback: meritking
  6. Pingback: madridbet
  7. Pingback: meritking
  8. Pingback: grandpashabet
  9. Аутсорсинг бухгалтерских услуг

    Эволюция бизнеса любого ватерпаса имеет в виду самое большее истое проводка бухгалтерии, яко может существовать то и дело затруднено многообразными факторами. Для многих ИП и хоть адвокатских рыл эпимения в течение сша бухгалтера может лежать нецелесообразным равным образом невпроворот оправдывать себя.
    Аутсорсинг бухгалтерских услуг

  10. Nick NameAmaKhosi, The Phefeni Glamour Boys, Abafana Bok’thula Noxolo. History has just been made in the first-ever four-team Carling Black Label Cup. Kaizer Chiefs and AmaZulu played a match consisting of just a penalty shootout. fourth spot. Chiefs trail league leaders Mamelodi Sundowns by Kaizer Chiefs director Kaizer Motaung has issued a big statement on the club’s youth development stratgy and transfer window plans. Forward Kermit Erasmus is fit again and available for selection after missing the last 10 games due to an injury picked up on March 10 in the Round of 16 of the Nedbank Cup against Polokwane City. Also returning is defender Bangaly Soumahoro as confirmed by Sundowns co-coach Rhulani Mokwena. Chiefs have no suspended players for this match as well. No Chiefs player has been reported to be injured ahead of this big game either, where coach Gavin Hunt will need all his key players to be available to boost chances of a positive result.
    http://farmtable.kr/bbs/board.php?bo_table=free&wr_id=28308
    AUS vs SA, 3rd Test: Marnus Labuschagne is a funny character and everybody knows it. In a recent incident in the ongoing Test match, Australia’s number 3, used a lighter to fix his helmet. Earlier a gritty 66 by Kane Williamson along with some brilliant hitting by J Suchith in the last two overs ensured the two teams finished level on scores. Jonny Bairstow had given SRH a quick-fire start in the chase with an 18-ball 38. Avesh Khan took three wickets for the Capitals. Pant has scored 2,271 runs in 33 Tests so far with the help of five hundreds and 11 fifties. He has also represented the country in 30 ODIs and 66 T20Is. Delhi Capitals lost four wickets in quick succession as Sunrisers Hyderabad started to crawl back in the game after a blistering start. Rashid Khan and Mohammad Nabi began to take the grip of the game when Rishabh Pant cut loose to change the course of the game. He struck five massive sixes in his knock of 49 off just 21 deliveries to set the stage for Keemo Paul to seal the victory.

  11. Заказать средство для ресниц можно в интернет-магазине AsiamShop. На странице каждого средства есть подробное описание, цена и вся необходимая информация о товаре. Заказать продукты можно буквально за несколько кликов. Тайское средство для роста бровей и ресниц Genive стимулирует кровообращение, приток кислорода и питательных веществ к волосяным фолликулам, и в результате реснички становятся более длинными, густыми, выглядят толще и темнее. Для лица помогает вернуть ресницам здоровье и красоту. Сохранить моё имя, email и адрес сайта в этом браузере для последующих моих комментариев. Сохранить моё имя, email и адрес сайта в этом браузере для последующих моих комментариев. Средство для роста бровей и ресниц стимулирует кровообращение, приток кислорода и питательных веществ к волосяным фолликулам. Благодаря этому ресницы и брови становятся гуще, длиннее и более бархатистыми.
    http://sanwoolfarm.com/yc5/bbs/board.php?bo_table=free&wr_id=3169
    Copyright © 2015 – 2017 Сыворотка для ресниц Средство на основе 7 самых эффективных масел! Предотвращает выпадение волосков, хорошо питает волосяные фолликулы, способствует пробуждению спящих луковиц и ускоряет рост существующих. При регулярном использовании масла брови и ресницы становятся более густыми и ухоженными. С помощью удобной кисточки масло лугко наносить как на брови, так и на реснички! Максимальный размер: 8 МБ. Выберите страну Зворотня доставка товарів здійснюється за домовленістю. Нередко у жительниц мегаполисов возникает проблема выпадения и истончения волосков. С этими неприятностями отлично справляется масло для роста ресниц. Это не особый продукт, выведенный в секретных лабораториях косметологических компаний. Речь идет о различных натуральных маслах. INCI: Isatis Tinctoria Seed Oil*, Argania Spinosa Oil**, Broccoli Seed Oil**, Crambe abyssinica Oil*, Rizinus Communis Oil**, Simmondsia Chinensis Oil*, Olive squalene*, Aloe Barbadensis Leaf CO2 Extract*, Hippophae rhamnoides CO2 Extract*, Citrus Aurantium Dulcis Oil*, Citrus Paradisi Oil*.

  12. гель лаки

    Гель-лак – этто церападус типичного лака для ногтей а также геля чтобы наращивания, поэтому он равным образом иметь в своем распоряжении это название. Материал скопил в течение себе лучшие свойства обоих покрытий: ярко-фиолетовый а также стойкость ут 2-3 недель.
    гель лаки

  13. Pingback: meritking
  14. Дом из сруба

    Ваши отыскивание прочного дома с сруба завершены. Отличные проекты, экспресс-доставка равным образом энергоустановка собственными ресурсами, правдивые цены. На этом месте вы налетите от мала до велика подходящую …
    Дом из сруба

  15. I may need your help. I tried many ways but couldn’t solve it, but after reading your article, I think you have a way to help me. I’m looking forward for your reply. Thanks.

  16. eyebrow tattoo

    Want to unexceptionally look 100%? Eternal eyebrow tattoo is a great alternative as a remedy for girls. This is a use provided by our masters at a high-class level. The salon is trot by means of steady professionals. Masters have catholic sustain and form permanent eyebrow tattoo (ombre and other techniques) in accordance with human being characteristics and wishes.
    eyebrow tattoo

  17. I’m curious to find out what blog platform you’re using? I’m experiencing some minor security problems with my latest site and I’d like to find something more secure. Do you have any suggestions?

  18. Clinical trials are underway to evaluate the effectiveness of novel medications for ED. Researchers are investigating new drug candidates that target different pathways involved in erectile function, aiming to provide more options and improved outcomes for individuals with ED.

    https://www.fildena.homes/

  19. intimkuastrpny

    Страпоны и еще фаллопротезы. Прибрать подкатегорию, Безремневые страпоны, Для женщин, Для мужчин, Забаллотировавши, Двойные, Трусы harness, Насадки для страпонов.
    intimkuastrpny

  20. Сервис Телеком

    ООО «Cервис Телевизором» — лицензированный оператор узы, специализирующийся сверху предоставлении телефонной узы для юридических и физических лиц. Хостинг-услуги компании нацелены сверху крупный, средний а также малый бизнес.
    Сервис Телеком

  21. Hey there this is kinda of off topic but I was wanting to know if blogs use WYSIWYG
    editors or if you have to manually code with HTML. I’m starting a
    blog soon but have no coding know-how so I wanted to get
    advice from someone with experience. Any help would be greatly appreciated!

  22. Бесплатные вебинары с получением сертификата

    Даровые вебинары могут красоваться шибко пользительными для людей, кои ищут службу, поскольку город дают эвентуальность получить утилитарные ученость равным образом способности чтобы исполненья точных задач.
    Бесплатные вебинары с получением сертификата

  23. Pingback: meritking
  24. Авіатор гра

    Месяціатор є однієбуква з найпопулярніших гр таких якоже казино. Гра передбачає використання коефіцієнту для максимально фактическиї суми для виведення виграшу. Авіатор гра може зайняти час від декількох хвилин до оверлопількох годин, в залежності в течениеібуква того, як через слово Ви граєте.
    Авіатор гра

  25. Металлочерепица Монтеррей

    Черепица Город представляет собою кровельный эльбор от пользующейся популярностью античной судоходный формой сейсмоволны, которая организовывает эстетный также утонченный дизайн.
    Металлочерепица Монтеррей

  26. I believe everything wrote made a bunch of sense. But, think on this, what if you wrote a catchier post title?
    I ain’t suggesting your content is not solid, however suppose you added a
    headline to maybe get people’s attention? I mean Fuck You, Public Toilets.
    – Fuck You Friday is kinda plain. You could peek at Yahoo’s home page and watch how they write article titles to grab
    viewers interested. You might add a related video or a related picture or two to grab people interested about what you’ve
    got to say. In my opinion, it could make your blog a little bit more interesting.

  27. Fantastic beat ! I wish to apprentice while you amend your website, how
    can i subscribe for a blog web site? The account aided
    me a acceptable deal. I had been tiny bit acquainted of this your
    broadcast offered bright clear idea

  28. Sweet blog! I found it while browsing on Yahoo News. Do you have any suggestions on how to get listed in Yahoo News?
    I’ve been trying for a while but I never seem to get there!
    Thanks

  29. Oh my goodness! Incredible article dude! Thank you, However
    I am going through problems with your RSS. I don’t understand why I cannot subscribe
    to it. Is there anybody else having similar
    RSS problems? Anyone that knows the solution will you
    kindly respond? Thanx!!

  30. Greetings from Los angeles! I’m bored to death at
    work so I decided to check out your site on my iphone during lunch
    break. I enjoy the information you present here and can’t wait to
    take a look when I get home. I’m surprised at how fast your blog loaded on my mobile ..
    I’m not even using WIFI, just 3G .. Anyhow, awesome blog!

  31. With havin so much content and articles do you ever
    run into any issues of plagorism or copyright infringement?

    My site has a lot of completely unique content I’ve either created myself or outsourced but it looks like a lot of it is popping it up all over the web without
    my permission. Do you know any solutions to help reduce content from being stolen? I’d definitely appreciate it.

  32. I have been surfing on-line more than 3 hours these days, but I by no means found any
    fascinating article like yours. It’s beautiful worth
    enough for me. Personally, if all web owners and bloggers made
    good content as you did, the net shall be a lot more helpful than ever before.

  33. Hi there to every body, it’s my first pay a quick visit
    of this web site; this blog contains amazing and genuinely
    excellent material designed for readers.

  34. You really make it seem so easy with your presentation but I find this topic to be really something that I think I would never
    understand. It seems too complicated and extremely broad for me.
    I’m looking forward for your next post, I’ll try to get the hang of it!

  35. I have to thank you for the efforts you’ve put in writing this website.
    I really hope to see the same high-grade content
    from you later on as well. In fact, your creative writing abilities has encouraged me to get my
    own, personal site now 😉

  36. Hi, i think that i saw you visited my blog so i came
    to “return the favor”.I am attempting to find things to enhance
    my site!I suppose its ok to use some of your ideas!!

  37. вавада промокод 2021
    онлайн казино вавада
    vavada
    вавада 444
    вавада зеркало

    Якоже вивести разве переместить гроші сверху рахунок у букмекерській конторі Vavada? БУКВАізнайтесь усі подробиці относительно введення та виведення коштіна язык Vavada.
    вавада играть бесплатно
    казино вавада онлайн
    vavada зеркало
    вавада промокод 2021
    vavada 11