Fuck You, Plastic Bag Whingers. A GIF Odyssey.

Unless you have been living off the grid with no TV, or underneath a very large rock, you will have been hearing about the single use plastic bag ban and how ordinary Australians have been going batshit crazy about it.  Put simply, stupid people have lost their fucking minds because they no longer get given a free turtle choker to put their bread, milk and bananas in. Yerp. Planet Earth is fucked and populated with complete dip shits.

Back in the day, we used to use paper bags, wicker baskets, or cardboard boxes to carry our purchases from the supermarket to the car and then onto the house. It worked fine. However the special and challenged shoppers of Australia haven’t quite coped with being thrust back into the dark ages so suddenly. Except that it wasn’t all that sudden. There was plenty of warning that their bulk packs of spring rolls and Tip Top bread and other daily essentials were going to have to be transported some other way.

Plenty of time.

Here is every emotion these cuntmuffins have experienced over the last few weeks that the ban has been in place. I won’t mention that one large supermarket chain who have currently got the kids of Australia under a trance with packets of miniaturised household goods MADE OUT OF FUCKING PLASTIC, has backtracked on the ban and succumbed to the smashy fisty general public. Oh, wait. I just did. Fuck You, Coles.

The “What The Fuck Am I Going To Do With My Eggs” emotion.

Carol works hard for the money. So hard for it honey. So you better treat her right.

Wait to the what now? Do I have to CARRY this box of eggs? Next, you’ll be asking me to hand raise the fucking chickens!

The “But Last Time I Came Here And Throat Punched The Check Out Staff, They Just Gave Me A Bag” emotion.

Clinton relied on those bags to pick up the brown landmines from his dogs in the backyard. Life would be different now.

The “I’m Going To Complain About This on Social Media If You Don’t Give Me A Free Bag” emotion.

Rochelle was not used to internalising her pain. She preferred to film it and put it on Instagram stories.

The “But I Have Never Personally Seen Any Sea Life Choking To Death On Plastic, So Gimme The Fucking Bag” emotion.

Patrick thought this was just another PC “The World Has Gone Mad” bullshit scenario.

The ” Yeah, But What Do I Use Now For a Bin Liner” emotion.

Vicky simply refused to believe there was another option.

The “Everyone Is Talking About The Bag Ban So I am Going To Jump On The Bandwagon” emotion.

Paul loves a good facebook engagement.

Fuck you to every sorry sack of shit that can’t get over not having one of the environments biggest mistakes at their disposal anytime they visit the shops. With the boom of online shopping, we’ve all got too many boxes lying around and there is literally a TONNE of other options that do NOT include a thicker plastic bag.

My personal favourite is a bag from IGA. It is made from Jute and is strong, big, stands up on its own and cost fuck all. Get some. And shut the fuck up. The turtles will thank you.

THE END

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6 Comments Add yours

  1. Doug W says:

    I agree with what you say in principle, however I am offended at the foul and unwarranted language, if you are unable to put a sentence together that doesn’t use the F or C words, then you have got a lot more to worry about than plastic bags. And the sad truth is, you will be perceived as a foul mouthed moron, and all the valid points you make will be dismissed. So if you were serious about this you would remove the expletives, or if you just like the sound of your foul mouth, then keep it up, and all your supposedly good ideas will be ignored.

    1. Tyme says:

      Lmao it offends you? Get the fuck off the internet kid.. you need to find your safe space.. people who reqd on this aite have no issues with mere swearing and are all laughing our fucking asses off at you right now sook 🙂

  2. Cilla says:

    They should stop giving away bags, instead spending the money on big fuckoff security guards to remove people who threaten or abuse checkout operators

  3. Tobias Newman says:

    What a load of shit. The plastic bag is about the most recycled piece of plastic we’ve got. It’s handy and how many people are going to use their reusable bags that cost the environment even more and fuck paper bags, yeah that’s great, cut down more trees. They still take just as much energy to produce. All the other plastic that gets into the environment is the killer. Plastic bags generally get used again and end up in landfill not the ocean. Plastic packaging is what you should be targeting. Make industry change, not penalise the small fry. Get your politicians to legislate against the corporations not for them and leave the little guy alone. Like 4 minute shower or sprinkler bans to save water, what a crock, if industry made even the tiniest savings then we could water all the time. It’s pure fear mongering and feel good campaigning. Drive the car less, don’t buy food wrapped in plastic, don’t buy anything that comes in plastic but bring back the only useful bit of plastic we got.

  4. Kelsbells says:

    Holy shit I’ve never identified with this blog more. This whole saga is just bullshit!

    Thank you for speaking the minds of all of us in the shadows…and for those plastic bag abusive a-holes, just fuck off.

  5. Absolutely LOVE this! So well written. Thank you for speaking the minds of so many who don’t but should. Couldn’t agree with you more 👍

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