Unless you have been living off the grid with no TV, or underneath a very large rock, you will have been hearing about the single use plastic bag ban and how ordinary Australians have been going batshit crazy about it. Put simply, stupid people have lost their fucking minds because they no longer get given a free turtle choker to put their bread, milk and bananas in. Yerp. Planet Earth is fucked and populated with complete dip shits.
Back in the day, we used to use paper bags, wicker baskets, or cardboard boxes to carry our purchases from the supermarket to the car and then onto the house. It worked fine. However the special and challenged shoppers of Australia haven’t quite coped with being thrust back into the dark ages so suddenly. Except that it wasn’t all that sudden. There was plenty of warning that their bulk packs of spring rolls and Tip Top bread and other daily essentials were going to have to be transported some other way.
Plenty of time.
Here is every emotion these cuntmuffins have experienced over the last few weeks that the ban has been in place. I won’t mention that one large supermarket chain who have currently got the kids of Australia under a trance with packets of miniaturised household goods MADE OUT OF FUCKING PLASTIC, has backtracked on the ban and succumbed to the smashy fisty general public. Oh, wait. I just did. Fuck You, Coles.
The “What The Fuck Am I Going To Do With My Eggs” emotion.
Carol works hard for the money. So hard for it honey. So you better treat her right.
The “But Last Time I Came Here And Throat Punched The Check Out Staff, They Just Gave Me A Bag” emotion.
The “I’m Going To Complain About This on Social Media If You Don’t Give Me A Free Bag” emotion.
The “But I Have Never Personally Seen Any Sea Life Choking To Death On Plastic, So Gimme The Fucking Bag” emotion.
The ” Yeah, But What Do I Use Now For a Bin Liner” emotion.
The “Everyone Is Talking About The Bag Ban So I am Going To Jump On The Bandwagon” emotion.
Fuck you to every sorry sack of shit that can’t get over not having one of the environments biggest mistakes at their disposal anytime they visit the shops. With the boom of online shopping, we’ve all got too many boxes lying around and there is literally a TONNE of other options that do NOT include a thicker plastic bag.
My personal favourite is a bag from IGA. It is made from Jute and is strong, big, stands up on its own and cost fuck all. Get some. And shut the fuck up. The turtles will thank you.