Fuck You North Shore Mums

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The Fun Police were out in fucking force yesterday. Otherwise known as the admin team from a Facebook group called North Shore Mums.

Here is what went down.

I have been a member of that Facebook group since its inception, but grew tired of the mundane posts about Fiji, reasonably priced cleaners, lunchbox ideas and posts by people making their first fondant cake and fishing for compliments. Even the “popcorn” posts like circumcision, parking with prams and anti vax parents which would make for thrilling viewing would get deleted just before they got good. It just isn’t what it used to be. It now has the personality of a sock full of shit, and that’s being generous.

It’s become so ridiculous that mamamia and the Daily Mail have trolls and moles in there ready to pounce on the posts that create a bit of an uproar. It’s a click frenzy so they fucking love it.

Being someone that likes a good giggle I decided to post one of my Fuck You Friday rants on the page. Yes it was Wednesday, but why get bogged down in the detail. I’d done it before, and it got a lot of laughs which I enjoyed reading so I decided to do it again.

Now, being a savvy member (or so I fucking thought) I deleted all the swear words, cleaned it up a bit and did not link it to anything. It was mere text. I followed the rules.

Just as it started generating a lot of interest and cheering up some people’s day, the comments got deleted and then the whole fucking post disappeared. Where’s the fun in that!? One of the ninja admin were up to something, and I was not very fucking happy.

Fuck You Friday is a very new initiative. The blog and Facebook page are 6 days old! It’s important to note it’s just for shits n giggles. And it’s fun. I have been making people laugh since I was able to talk, and anyone who knows me personally will vouch for that very fact. The first time I posted Fuck You Friday on the North Shore Mums page it made me wonder if I should write this every Friday. “Start a blog!” they howled.

OK. So I wrote a blog. Thanks WordPress for making that a 5 min exercise. I even registered www.fuckyoufriday.com.au because I thought it was funny and was amazed it was even available. $20 later and I was a proper fucking legit website.

Then I waited.

After the new post disappeared I changed my Facebook name to Far Kew, ignoring the warning about it being stuck like that for 60 days. And then I started to stir some shit. But the ninja admin that clearly had it in for me deleted the posts before I could type up the next one. This was no fun at all!

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It would be a free for all if I wanted to chat about the property bubble, share a recipe for vegetable slice or lament the rising cost of electricity. But because I fucking dared to have a little laugh they had to shut it down. How very fucking boring.

I can only assume they were threatened by my potential to retire once my Himalayan fart salt reaches eBay history for selling in the millions. Or perhaps they are worried they were looking stupid once a lot of the 16,500 members wondered where Far Kew and her funny posts went. Either way, they booted me out of the group and I’m not allowed to play anymore. Boo fucking hoo.

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Well Fuck You North Shore Mums. Fuck your childish ways and fuck your inability to have a sense of humour. I’ll extend my middle finger to you today when I park horizontally across a few parents with prams spots and sit in a cafe childless while I plan my next trip to Fiji. To be circumcised.

The END

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58 Comments Add yours

  1. Meg says:

    Why aren’t we friends?!? This is the best.

  2. You are funny. Glad I found you πŸ™‚

  3. Mgx says:

    Go join the eastern suburbs one. Please. πŸ™‚ sounds quite similar but maybe they have a sense of humor.. at the very least they will know where you can get circumcised in Fiji..

  4. Dom says:

    Hilarious. Although, the swearing makes me ‘hear’ it in Chopper Read’s voice. Which makes it even funnier.

  5. Raylene says:

    Haha good laugh! You are funny πŸ˜€

  6. Me says:

    OMG – why are some people such aholes ? We ALL need some more laughs in our day – so glad a friend pointed me in your direction !!

  7. Trent says:

    I don’t live in the North anymore but this is hilarious and I’ll be following your blog

  8. Maria says:

    You made me laugh yesterday on a day when I badly needed it, you might not realise it but, you changed my day yesterday x

  9. Do they call it F 1 J 1?

  10. Vaguely Specific says:

    Maybe IWM will take you? We need more humour and less pearl clutching!

  11. Jenny says:

    i’ve been trying to delete everything above but i only have access to the NSM group. sigh, i hope i can delete my own post…..missing you. πŸ˜› off to delete some Cake recipes that are better than mine.

  12. Noni Mouse says:

    I got so fed up with North Shore Mums I moved to the Inner West. πŸ˜‰

  13. Aimee says:

    You’re my new favourite person, I’ll shout you a kale smoothie anytime!

  14. Mike Hunt says:

    I LOVE you

    1. Lisa Hynes says:

      I love your NAAAMME!!! Is it for seriously Mike Hunt, or is that in honour of Far Kew??

      1. melwillz says:

        Must have missed that one! Love it.

  15. Wal says:

    Absolutely brillant, thank you for the best laugh i have had in ages. Keep it coming!

  16. Really, some people are too precious. I love a good laugh. Better than crying and bitching.

  17. Kel says:

    You’re awesome!!! Great laugh

  18. MD says:

    I think I love you. I left NSM when someone posted a pic of their kids vomit stains a few years back… gah!

  19. Faye says:

    Oh my, you are freaking hilarious and I liken you to the wonderful Rosie Waterland who also says it as it is. What a fresh of breath air – awesome!

    1. meatball madness says:

      Oh that’s really tame. Come join the northern beaches mums… I’ve seen snot, vomit, poo and even mucus plug!

  20. Bec New says:

    Love it. A definate middle finger. Will tune in here now instead of NSM for all my kale massaging needs x

  21. beccibird says:

    Reason Number 1,976 to not live in the North Shore and stay in the Inner West where it’s mostly still fucking real. Come over to the dark side….

  22. missjls says:

    As a fellow bootee, I applaud your rant. When I was booted for no reason – I asked a legitimate question as to why do they think some posts go “missing” (which is what they stated happened to one particular post) when I’ve never noticed it happen in any other group. This meant they would have to answer a real question not about thermomixes or Fiji (shock fucking horror). I was genuinely curious, maybe they had a bug? Maybe the group is so large that sometimes posts get confused and sucked into a vortex of shallow topics and bitchiness, I don’t know! I was merely asking. DAMN ME AND MY CURIOSITY!!!!! So for that one question, I got booted.
    They’re nothing but a bunch of wanky, prissy mums who have control issues and faaaar too much time on their hands. You know the ones, they drive around in oversized, overpriced 4wd’s that only goes off-road when a reverse parking mistakes lands them on the gutter… usually outside the hairdresser, mani-pedi salon or a popular brunch location.
    It’s shit getting booted, sometimes I miss asking about mundane things like new restaurants around (ok ok, new wine bars) or gift ideas for family members who are hard to buy for. Then I realized – I like being able to say “fuck” and “shit” and having a non-vanilla personality. And then I’m totally ok with not being in the group.

    1. Mum says:

      Try and suggest that Thirnleigh isn’t on the north shore they get quite irate! Jesus they should learn how to read a map!

  23. Connie says:

    They don’t deserve your wit .. don’t they know that it is possible to have fun after having children?

  24. Kathy says:

    I love you hahaha. You go girl. First laugh today and can’t wait for more.

  25. Mel says:

    Come and join us on Inner West Mum’s we love a good laugh!

  26. I CANNOT BELIEVE IT says:

    You are FUCKIN KIDDING!!!! I doubt you live on the north shore anyway. You’re too funny!

  27. Natalie says:

    Brilliant!! Totally agree. Where is the fun in deleting posts that TELL IT HOW IT IS!!!! Keep doing your thang!

  28. Hee Lou says:

    Northern Beaches Mum Facebook page have some clangets on there. Try them out!

  29. Cecelia says:

    I worry about admin over reach sometimes. It’s not easy wrangling 15K readers but sometimes they go too far. You can’t please everyone and when you try, you only piss off everyone. Good luck with your blog, I hope it goes well and makes you happy.

  30. beksday says:

    Are you English??? You mad, hilarious mofo!

  31. Love your work. Also love it when the herd get their Alice bands in a twist.

  32. Thelastfattyinbondi says:

    You have to come to the Eastern Suburbs ones.
    I highly recommend Bondi Babies or Mums the Word if you want to troll a bunch of people whose biggest issue is how much to pay the nanny when she comes with you to New Caledonia.

  33. Naomi Tim says:

    You just missed out on a real class act

  34. Kel says:

    Far Kew you have just restored my faith in humanity!
    Have these women enquiring about reasonably priced cleaners, trips to Fiji & fondant recipes never heard of Google, Flight Centre or a fucking cake recipe book?
    Keep up the hilarious work!

  35. Alison says:

    Hilarious. They kicked me out.
    I started ” Lower North Shore Mums With Attitude”.

  36. YOU are a gem. Keep it coming.

  37. Wade Lovejoy says:

    Try “Humans of Mangere Bridge” facebook page, awesome page of like mided people, rules of fight club apply, and getting offended will most likely result in you getting banned lol

  38. Excellent discourse. I Wholeheartedly support your cause.

  39. Sharna says:

    Mummy wars – aussie style.
    One with 4k members.
    Join it, you’re perfect for it.
    People like yourself are a rarity and should be damn well admired xD

  40. Jenny says:

    Love it, keep it up.

  41. Rainbow says:

    Hilarious, you should try the ‘Everything Sutherland Shire’, for a few giggles!

  42. Martin Bedikian says:

    Well said Lady, next time you sitting in a cafe with no kids, call us and me and my family and my friends will come and join you.
    We live in a free speech country right? But no wait!! Everything we have to say or write has to be politically correct well fuck you north shore mums, how’s that for politically correct.

    You go lady you rock and btw you are funny!!

  43. tanya hammond says:

    OMG your awsome . Tell.me u have a fb page or Twitter ? Thanks for the laugh. Fckin funny shit. I live ur sense of humor xx

  44. Crazy on the North says:

    So brilliant. I am soooooo over the bullshit mothering gangs. Get over yourself and your children. Get a life and have some fun.

  45. MP says:

    Yes, they banned me because they didn’t like that I suggested vit c to help kids through winter. The fun police came out and slammed all things “natural”.

  46. mum says:

    Oh god so funny. Half of them dont even live there! Why join a local chat group for an area you dont even live .. wannabes! So PC and cliquey too!!!!

  47. Genuine laugh out loud funny (and thats not just the 2pm beers talking). Thank Kew Far that.

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