Well. SHIT. It happened. America spoke and they chose Donald Trump as the next President of the United States of America.
While we all shake our heads in disbelief, I am sitting here at my dining table listening to a news reporter say the words “Reality TV Star Donald Trump has been elected President of the United States”.
REALITY. FUCKING. TV. STAR.
I want to fire myself. I want to fire myself out of the arse of a huge fucking rocket ship that can take me to Mars. Elon Musk…are you listening??? Seriously dude. This is some major league fucked up shit.
Look, I realise that Australia has a pretty bad political track record. I don’t for a minute think I have the right to climb on my high horse.
You might think I have no right at all to criticise another countries electoral misgivings, but the thing is….I do have a right. Because Australia has always had it’s head firmly inside the arse cheeks of America, so what happens there DOES affect myself and my fellow countrymen.
We’ve even got our own Cheezel coloured fuck-knuckle, her name is Pauline Hanson. And she was one of the first to congratulate Donald Trump on his win, which says a lot.
Yes, our own political shit storm is just like Game of Thrones, without the tits. Oh hang on, there was a female MP who got ejected from parliament for breastfeeding her newborn. So we do have tits.
Here are my top five most offensive Trump traits (along with the correct dictionary entries) and why we should fire ourselves off to Mars now this guy is the president.
He is a racist pig. (Xenophobic Swine)
His offspring mistreat animals. (Giant Cunts)
Anyone who knows anything knows that people who abuse or mistreat animals are secret serial killers. And people like Donald Trumps entitled son’s who like to shoot Cheetah’s and cut off elephant tails for shits n giggles are next level scum that deserve to be the next fair game.
He grabs pussies. (Felis Snatch)
He looks and acts like a turkey. (Ignoramus Meleagris)
His itchy and impulsive finger could start a nuclear war. (Armageddon outta here)
We know Donald has an itchy Twitter finger. So what’s stopping him blowing up the universe? The man is unhinged.
Fuck You Donald. A few months ago I thought the most annoying thing about you was your anus shaped mouth and your foaming spittle lips. Now, the joke has turned into a nightmare and we have to live with this fact for four fucking years.
Blow me (just not up).
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