Fuck You, Amazing Crystal Garden.

I got this thing the other day that I thought my kids would LOVE. It is called “The Amazing Crystal Garden”. And it is anything but amazing.

I’m always suspicious of things that claim to be amazing, as they are …

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10 Comments Add yours

  1. Cassie says:

    Best yet, I actually loaded myself laughing!

  2. Cassie says:

    That is actually supposed to say pissed…. not sure where loaded came from?!?!

    1. Far Kew says:

      I think we all need to get loaded on a bunch of these stupid herpe crystals. It might take away the pain a little!

  3. Jane Whitelaw says:

    I’ll meet your amazing crystal garden and raise the bid to two packets of sea dragons. Not content with the first disaster that yielded not a single live sea dragon I fool-hearedly gave away more dosh to buy a second pack of eggs which again yielded not a single live dragon and one traumatised seven year old.

    1. Far Kew says:

      They are not thinking of the children!

  4. Susan says:

    We have actually had success twice with crystal garden thingys. Neither of them looked like yours though. One grew a sizeable blue crystal in a plastic jar and the other grew a hideously gaudy mountain and tree landscape on a plastic plate. Not funny I know, but just so you know some of them do work. I preferred the one in the jar, the kids of course, gaudy. They were both gifts. The crystals, not the kids.

    1. Far Kew says:

      Mine were crap. I just threw them in the bin!

  5. Leoni says:

    Our crystal gardens looked exactly like yours – utter shit! Oh and they ruined the bowls they were in too. Fuck you Amazing Crystal Garden indeed!!!!!

    1. Far Kew says:

      They suck big time.

  6. SgtCarlMc says:

    I wouldn’t say “a little bit stupid” I would say stupid is as stupid does, a big stupid. I just typed in “Why doesn’t my crystal garden grow?” And I got 5,420,000 answers in 0.53 secs, and heaps of answers to my question.
    I saw these Crystal Garden & Sea Horses on the backs of comic books 50 yrs ago, not forgetting, see your friends through our “amazing” X-Ray glasses, look through their clothes and “see” their bodies close up.
    As Barnum use to say, There’s one born every minute.

    I hope you explained what herpes simplex virus to your son well thought out, instead of the freaking hysteria of herpes complex you have, it’s a virus not a disease, there’s no cure but there are ways of controlling it, I have it, it’s not life threatening, it won’t kill you, in fact over 40% of the Australian population has it.

    Anyone ever had chicken pox, same family, shingles, same family, of course you would know because your so knowledgeable, that there are two types, Herpes Simplex 1 and Herpes Simplex 2.
    Herpes Simplex 1 is caught ( actually it’s in everybody’s bodies) when you have chicken pox, (the herpes simplex lives in/on the spinal cord and through certain conditions it will move around to the genital area) Herpes Simplex 2 is caught through sexual intercourse, partner to partner, but you don’t need me to tell you that, oh wait, yes you do because your a bit stupid.

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