Fuck You Aldi Centre Aisle Special Buys

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Oh my god, where to fucking start. Aldi, I heart you.  You do what it says on the box and provide me with good quality essentials at a reasonable cost. I was a convert way before it was accepted to shop in Aldi and risked the povo associations for years until you became legit. Your “versions” of the big brands are just as good, and we know it actually is the real thing just with another label on it. Except for your crumpets. Which are really shit.

And most of your stuff is Australian too, which is pretty fucking important when the whole world is now made in China. Dick Smith had a good crack at his own Aussie versions of food, but I just couldn’t bring myself to eat anything that had the word “Dick” on the packaging. So you filled the gap.

But I’ve got some major fucking beef with the centre aisle specials. I get a bit over excited when your brochure hits my mailbox and I’m diving around in there flicking the snails off (got a snail problem in my mailbox, more on that later) just to be one of the first to see what’s coming out next Wednesday and Saturday.  It’s like you can read my fucking mind and know exactly what I need. Office chairs when mine is about to fall to bits, ramekins when I’ve been watching Masterchef, fluffy towels when the old ones look a bit crap and an air fryer when I’m thinking about frying something. It’s becoming a problem because I’m running out of fucking room in my home for all this shit!

Last time I counted I had 9 Crofton fypans, 12 Serra merino wool tops, 5 pairs of Crane bicycle shorts, 14 assorted Lumina appliances (including the fucking air fryer) and that doesn’t count the more random and rare special buys. There’s the pop up sun tent, a caravan cover (for a caravan I don’t yet own), a chest freezer, garden gnomes, Pete Evans kale cook books (jokes!), kids books, hats, snow gear, toilet brushes, snap lock containers, travel mugs, candles, cake decorating kits, you get my drift. You sell it, I buy it.

And I CANNOT FUCKING STOP.

I even signed up to the email newsletter so I can use your “reminder” button ensuring I don’t miss out on the next genius bit of marketing. I reckon that’s just evil. You are preying on my fucking weakness. I haven’t feel this out of control since Vince and his ShamWow and Slap Chop made me lose sleep.

You don’t have self-serve checkouts either. I like that about you ALDI! Because those things make me really fucking shitty, more rants on those later…..

It’s almost 3pm and I have to go and pick up my kids (and find Ethel), but not before I get into Aldi for cycling specials and sustainable seafood-in-a-can. I hope I’m not too late.

So this one is bittersweet Aldi. Fuck You. But let’s still be friends.

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15 Comments Add yours

  1. Elizabeth Fitzgerald says:

    Made my day… AGAIN

  2. I’m a ‘secret’ addict too, esp when there is an aldi 5 min up the road from us…i think they should have a 10 items or less aisle though that would be cool because i feel much obliged to let people in before me if they only have a few items which is fine for one or two but one could get carried away with letting 5 or more people who have less than me & well I never get through if i keep doing that
    lol

  3. Oh I love this and I so relate! Some days I just don’t go in as I know I won’t ‘save’ money at all but rather buy a whole heap of wonderful things!

  4. Amy says:

    What do you mean the crumpets are Crap? They are the best! Just like English ones that you can make super crunchy in the toaster! Love!

  5. Fortunately my neighbourhood is too posh to have an Aldi in it (yes, there is an entire protest group set up to stop Aldi in its expansionist tracks) so don’t have this problem. I did have that mind reading thing when I needed pillows last year. Sent husband and he too got seduced by the centre aisle.

  6. Gary says:

    One can never have too many Crofton frypans/other pans/pots. they’re do bomb. 😛

  7. Me says:

    How can I subscribe to this blog – it’s so good to see someone else in the same position as me !!!!

    1. melwillz says:

      I don’t know much about wordpress but you can join the FB page http://www.facebook.com/fyoufriday

      1. Me says:

        Thank you !!

  8. I love Aldi even more when they reduce the specials. They hide them everywhere so you have to hunt, and you never know if you are going to find cheap face cream next to a cut-price chain saw or dry ice machine. Genius!

  9. Marilyn says:

    It’s hard when all you go to Aldi for is the next brochure and end up spending $100!

  10. Paul says:

    I have just had a friend send me this link as they truely believed I wrote it!! I am a marketing mans dream and Aldi is my heroine!! My wife sent me to get “salad stuff” a little while ago and I came home with an electric guitar AND amp which is still yet to come out of its box. I wonder if Aldi items boxed will be worth more money in the future like the Star Wars figures! Anyway great article and can’t wait for the next one. Also I must add that I completely forgot to purchase the for mentioned “salad stuff” and had to make another trip.

  11. Carol Duncan says:

    Why doesn’t Aldi provide shopping baskets. I brought 2 of their $5.00 baskets 1 for both my mother and I. My mother walks assisted with a walker and puts the baskets from other shops on the walker. First day I took her to Aldi we were both confronted by the checkout person that we had to purchase the baskets. I explained I had purchased them the week before as no baskets are provided. The checkout operator didn’t believe me so thankfully I had the brains to carry the receipt with me and produced it for her. To her comment we expect customers to buy a lot of items. I spoke to another staff member about this issue and he couldn’t believe her comment. I’m not impressed. I shouldn’t have to produce a receipt every time I shop with the basket and self serve sucks. Its not a wonderful experience. You are processed through like cattle. You have to wait while others are packing their groceries and what about the elderly. Their not as fast as others. Not impressed at all with Aldi and the rude customer service at Woodcroft.

  12. brian sullivan says:

    Sounds like a awesome Monty Python Sketch. Eric Idle or John Cleese. Fucking brilliant.

  13. Frances Beckham says:

    I don’t know who enjoys shopping at Aldi the most Me or My Husband. Only problem I have is when I find a great product eg a fabulous body wash with Argan Oil by Lacura and when I want to buy another one they don’t have it. BUGGAR

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